Reasons: right and questionable

July 27th, 2015 by Patricia Jehle Leave a reply »

 

 
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A friend has chosen not to do something because of what others will think or say of that activity. I saw red flags, do you?

 

There are a number of reasons not to do something, but “what people will say” is one of the last reasons on my list. How about yours?

 

Here are some good reasons not to do something:

 

  • It’s illegal.
  • It will hurt someone.
  • I don’t want to do it.

 

It’s illegal

I follow the laws of the land, attempting to be a good citizen, not out of fear, but the support the social system. This means, for example, I pay for my garbage bag stickers and put my garbage in them, and not at some random public garbage can. I do however, put found garbage and my chewing gum in public cans.

 

It will hurt someone

Most of us know a lot of information that could hurt someone else, either personally or professionally. If I choose to share information, say via the internet, that would be hurtful, and I wouldn’t do it. Hurting people for my perceived gain is not something I do, even when it feels more like vilifying myself than “gaining”.

 

I also follow my heart

If I don’t want to do something and I don’t have to do it, I say “no”. I have to do my own taxes, but I don’t have to say yes to someone else’s projects. If I’m not passionate about it, why spend time on it? In then end, it would be doing that person (and the project) a disservice, since my heart would not be in it, I wouldn’t give my all for it. So, I follow my heart.

 

Following your heart leads to doing the things you are passionate about. This leads to great personal and work performance, and happier days as a result. What’s then to lose when you say no to the wrong things, and say yes to the right things?

 

Don’t decide from fear; it’s a trap

My friend used the word fear a lot in this conversation about not wanting to do something for fear of what others say. I really don’t want to make fear-driven decisions because, according to neurologists and other people who know a lot about the brain and decision-making, when one feels fear the brain is “stuck” in the most reptilian-like part of the brain. Thus, flight and fight are the normal responses, not logical decision-making processes. Not very healthy or logical in its working, this part of the brain is analysis-free.

 

Instead: STOP (BREATHE) and THINK

Instead, stop and think about the reasons for the decision. They may – or may not – be correct. Analyze your decision. Think about the “what ifs”, if you did x or y. Ask yourself questions: Would I like succeeding at it? Would it actually be helpful for me, my family, for others?

So, stop, think, question – and make decisions from good reasoning and not fear.

 

(I am on vacation, so the blogs are sparse and yet, I do enjoy it… so I still write. What about you? Are you enjoying your summer? For more information check out www.jehle-coaching.com )

 

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