Feel secure? Who’s got your back?

April 18th, 2017 by Patricia Jehle Leave a reply »

Who’s really got your back?

Our lives are much easier to live when we feel like the people we work with and live with support us wholeheartedly, and not just when we “get it right”. They have got your back.

But these types of relationships are rare. We know, there are those who are, unfortunately, against us in whatever we do. You know the types; some would call them enemies. Those are the people who would never accept that you and I can – and do – grow and change. They are just against you, no matter what.

Then there are those who are neutral towards us – and they are neither for us nor against us, they are just “there”. They have either no interest in us as people, ore they are, perhaps, afraid of making a stand at all for us, either positive or negative. They may be neutral out of fear or paranoia, or just out of busy-ness and distraction.

Then there are those who are for us when we are doing what they support, when we are “getting it right”; and I would call those relationships “transactional”. When you do what they like they seem to have your back, but if you go off in a different direction, they don’t really support you anymore. These are rather manipulative relationships. It’s the “I’ll scratch your back if you do mine” kind of relationship. We are seen as objects in this person’s view. These are rather common, but I wish you very few of these kind relationships, because they can be quite hurtful, in the end.

Dogs are very very grace-full, for example

Finally, there are those in our lives who support us and have our backs no matter what we do and how you may change, they are “for us”. These are very rare birds but I still wish you many of these latter types of people, both at work and in your personal life! In this we are valued as who we are, as humans to be treated with great care and with the intent to do good for us, always, even when they are seemly tough on us. We are treated the way that person wants to be treated. These kinds of people are integrated socially and emotionally. They have the integrity I was talking about in last weeks blog.

Last week I talked about integrity, quoting from Dr. Henry Cloud’s book by the same name. Dr. Cloud talks about three kinds of people you will encounter in this book: paranoid, transactional, and grace-full ones. You can tell which of the three kinds of person you are dealing with when something goes wrong. The paranoid person can easily turn on you if something goes wrong; they might even attack you. The transactional person treats you the way they feel you deserve, in “all fairness”; but since we are all human and all make mistakes, we deserve to be punished, since we make those mistakes. After all in this person’s point of view, it is always an “eye for an eye”. Again, it is clear that we are treated like objects that produce a product or a service, and that is all. The best, the graceful person, treats us not as we deserve, but as who we might become; they treat us with our best kind of person for us interest in mind. They are the true trust-builders, and the people who, when in leadership, bring out the best in their employees. Your personal growth is enhanced by that person. Keep these people and treat them well, for they are gold. This kind of boss is the best kind.

It takes two for good solutions, and a great relationship.

“True trust comes when we realize that another’s goodness, and being for my best interest, is not dependent on anything. It is just a part of that person’s integrity. It is who that person is, the kind of person who wants the best for others and will do whatever he or she can to bring that about.” That is a person full of grace.

I hope I can continue to become like this grace-full, full of integrity, kind of person, and that those around me can trust me like this. I also wish for more of these kinds of people in my life.

I hope that we, you and I, can be surrounded by grace-full people! Then we will have the needed security to grow. This is my wish for you this week: be and be around the grace-full!

Patricia Jehle



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