No – Yes, and what then?

June 13th, 2017 by Patricia Jehle Leave a reply »

Your “Why” is important!

Why do you choose to do something and not another alternative? A friend has chosen not to do an activity because of what others will think or say of the choice. I saw some red flags; do you?

Why not do it?

There are a number of reasons not to do something, but “what people will say” is one of the last reasons on my list. How about yours?

 

Here are some good reasons not to do something:

 

  • It’s illegal.
  • It will hurt someone.
  • I don’t want to do it.
  • I don’t have the money or want to spend the money on it.

 

It’s illegal

I follow the laws of the land, attempting to be a good citizen, not out of fear, but the support the social system. This means, for example, I pay for my garbage bag stickers and put my garbage in them, and not at some random public garbage can. I do however, put found garbage and my chewing gum in public cans.

 

This activity will hurt someone

Most of us know a lot of information that could hurt someone else, either personally or professionally. If I choose to share information, say via the internet, that would be hurtful, and I wouldn’t do it. Hurting people for my perceived gain is not something I do, even when it feels more like vilifying myself than “gaining”.

 

I also follow my heart

If I don’t want to do something and I don’t have to do it, I say “no”. I have to do my own taxes, but I don’t have to say yes to someone else’s projects. If I’m not passionate about it, why spend time on it? In then end, it would be doing that person (and the project) a disservice, since my heart would not be in it, I wouldn’t give my all for it. So, I follow my heart.

 

Following your heart leads to doing the things you are passionate about. This leads to great personal and work performance, and happier days as a result. What’s then to lose when you say no to the wrong things, and say yes to the right things?

 

Economic reasons

If I don’t have the money, I often choose to say no to an activity, also, if I think that the activity is too expensive for the return, it is not my choice. Thus, I have bootstrapped my company so far and I am satisfied with the results.

 

Don’t decide from fear; it’s a trap

My friend used the word fear a lot in this conversation about not wanting to do something – for fear of what others say. Personally, I really don’t want to make fear-driven decisions because, according to neurologists and other people who know a lot about the brain and decision-making, when one feels fear the brain is “stuck” in the most reptilian-like part of the brain. Thus, flight and fight are the normal responses, and not logical decision-making processes. Not very healthy or logical in its working, this lizard-like part of the brain is analysis-free.

 

Instead: STOP (BREATHE) and THINK

Instead, stop and think about your reasons for the fear and for your reaction, breathe and refocus.

 

Stop!

Realize what part of the brain you are using and become curious about your fear. Ask questions and think about whether your fear is justified, or not.

 

Breathe!

Take time to calm down and relax. Use one of the many breathing exercises, like the four-square breathing exercise, and focus on your body’s reaction to your emotions.

 

Think!

Reflect on your assumptions. They may – or may not – be correct. Analyze your decision. Think about all the possible “what ifs”, if you did x, y or z. Ask yourself questions: Would I like the result? Would it actually be helpful for me, for my company, for my family, for others?

 

So, stop, breathe, think, question – and make decisions from good reasoning and not from fear.

After stopping, breathe and THINK.

Have a great week!

 

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-caoching.com

www.jehle-coaching.com

 

 

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