Archive for October, 2017

Failure? Reflect!

October 31st, 2017

Resilience and Rumbles

Make good decisions by thinking and withholding judgement – do not go too fast!

What helps a person get up and keep going when something happens that is a set-back, big or small? What makes a person resilient? You’d be surprised. It’s not a “I’ve got it, I can do it. I’m okay.” I then stuff my feelings deep down and keep going.


It’s all those soft skills, or EQ:


  • It’s being honest and open about your feelings; it’s vulnerability;
  • It’s being curious where those thoughts and feelings come from and letting yourself go with them for the moment;
  • It’s being compassionate with yourself and with others when you fail;
  • It’s finding and acknowledging those false assumptions and putting a correct ones in it’s place;
  • And it’s learning from the mistake and putting new practices in place.


Brené Brown calls this the rumble.

Do you want to be a resilient person? Then this is what you need to start doing:


1) Be honest about your emotions

Be honest about what you are thinking and feeing, at least with yourself and those closest to you. Sometimes, we are not very adept at naming and understanding our feelings and then you can google a list, if you need to.


Emotions are neutral – one should not call certain emotions “negative emotions”. But they do show things about what is going on inside you. They give clues to what is happening inside and how you can change.


2) Get curious about the feelings and thoughts that occur when you have a “facedown experience”, a set-back

There is something that happened that might have triggered “old patterns” of response in you, that bring back the worn, over-played stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, about others and life, in general. We need to explore these responses to figure out what is really going on within ourselves.


To do that you

3) Have to give yourself – and others – some space to be human, some compassion

We are al human. We will make always mistakes and we will never be perfect. In fact, to really improve, we have to admit our mistakes. What an interesting puzzle. When you allow self-compassion and compassion for others to rule your way of dealing with life, you are able to see things more clearly. You are able to change and allow others space for change. We must remember that most people are really doing the best they can with what tools they have.


4) Watch false assumptions and stories you tell yourself. Don’t judge!

Often we tell ourselves false stories at this point, “I’m a failure!” or “S/He really doesn’t like me.” We assume way too much that is just not true. Some of the best coaching questions go in this direction, focusing on what we are assuming and whether or not it is true or partially true. We often judge ourselves, and others, much too quickly and often falsely, as well.


5) We must find and then put what is true into the place of the false assumptions and move on with those truths

When we live by what we know is true, we can become more resilient and, not only that, we can become more whole, as a human being. And that is a very good thing.


6) Finally, we have to think about our new learning points and put them into practice for “the next time”

When we learn things about ourselves (and others), we need to put those learning points into practice so they are not forgotten. Then those new insights can be applied for the next facedown experience. We know it is only a matter of time before another set-back, failure, another issue, will occur.

Time for reflection: What has happened to you recently that you should rumble (reflect) with? What were you feeling about it? What were your immediate actions/reactions and what were the stories (assumptions) you were telling yourself? What was really true? How can you live by the truth and not the false assumptions, and thus move on? What have you learned from the whole experience?


Enjoy your reflecting and rumbling this week!


Patricia Jehle



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Get out of your own way!

October 24th, 2017

Business not going well? You have all your ducks in a row, but something seems to be stopping you? Is something intangible slowing down your business? Maybe you have inner conflicts with yourself that need addressing so you can start moving forward again.

This past week I read a wonderful book by negotiation expert Professor Dr. William Ury of Harvard Business School called Getting to Yes with Yourself and I found some treasures to help us out of those stuck places in business and in life.

Get out of Your Own Way

Here’s Ury’s 6-Step Model:

  1. Put yourself in your shoes
  2. Develop your inner BATNA
  3. Reframe your picture
  4. Stay in the Zone
  5. Respect them, even if
  6. Give and Receive

What this means, step-by-step:

  • Put yourself in your own shoes means you need to understand your own feelings and needs before you can go anywhere near the business negotiation/ the other person you are dealing with. Ask yourself questions regarding your feelings and your deepest needs.
  • Develop your inner BATNA refers to the famous Fisher/Ury negotiation concept Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement- what are you going to do if the deal doesn’t work out? In other words for yourself, take care of the deepest needs you have in this (and every) situation, no matter what happens. You are not a victim, take responsibility for your own needs.
  • Reframe your picture is about how you see the world, and even the universe. See it as working for your and “the” good, and you will not live in the trap of scarcity. Remember, scarcity leads to decisions made out of fear, which is to be avoided. Take decisions from a place of trust and abundance instead.
  • Stay in the Zone refers to being in the present, not focusing on the past or future. It means letting go of the past and its problems and freeing yourself from anxiety about the future. Staying in the zone allows you to succeed. Hanging on to past regrets and hurts or worrying about tomorrow are not going to help in any way, and in fact, they hinder you from moving forward. Avoid all those “should” statements. That show you are either judging yourself or someone else, instead ask yourself, “what is the smallest thing I (or someone else) can do now to make a change?”
  • Respect them even if is about how we treat each person with the respect due every human being. I don’t have to approve of the persons actions or beliefs. I don’t need to like the person. I just need to make a decision to treat the person with respect. I also can try and understand the person by “walking in their shoes” and trying to see the issue from their experiences and background.
  • Give and Receive means that the most successful business people are givers and not takers, and that is according to research (Wharton Business School).

When you understand this concept you are very likely to become unstuck and move forward in business, in negotiation, and in life. There are good questions I as a coach can ask you about each step in Ury’s model to help you along your way to success.

Remember to get to yes with yourself and you are more likely to move forward in business and in life.

Have a successful week!

Patricia Jehle

How we all learn

October 17th, 2017

What are you reading and learning?


Reflective times

Mondays are a day for me to reflect on the past week, especially when the weekend was somehow included and made it a package, not a bookend. Today, this is one of my tasks: reflect on the past week and learn from it.

Part of last week’s story is not totally mine alone. We went on holiday as a family, so part of the week was very communal. Yet I had some “me time”, too. Thus I also read a lot, and am still digesting what I read.

Maybe you should begin your week with some reflection

What do you do to begin your week? Do you look at your calendar and prepare mentally and physically for the days to come? Do you reflect on the previous week, on what you learned and experienced? Do you try and place all these activities, emotions and relationships into an integrated whole? Today I am doing these very things.

Question your assumptions

A rather important part of how I do my reflection is to look at my assumptions and decide if they are limiting me and if they are true. I thank Nancy Kline and her books, “Time to Think” and “More Time to Think” for the following ideas for you to consider.

Time to Think

So, here goes: What am I assuming that is stopping me (or the business) from moving forward? Do I think the assumption is true? What is true and liberating instead? If I knew that the true and liberating assumption is correct, how would I go forward?

Time to Connect

But learning also means I need to connect- connect the dots and connect with others to share what I am learning. Connecting the dots for me is how I respond to what I am learning. What am I going to do about it? Sometimes it takes me a while to come up with an answer to that question.

Time to share with others

We are relational creatures, made for relationship, so sharing what we have learned is part of the learning process. When we share, it solidifies what we now know, and it also causes us to build stronger relationships with each other.

So, reflect and question your assumptions. Then think, connect the dots and share what you have learned with a friend or two. We will all be the better for it.

I wish you a reflective, productive, and very educational rest of your week!

Patricia Jehle

Remember to take time to reflect – and connect.

Podcasts and Penguins

October 3rd, 2017

CHANGE and Penguins

What have you been thinking about? I have been thinking about change, a book about penguins and my podcast to help some people implement change in their organization has just gone live.

The reason I am thinking about change partially has to do with what I am teaching this semester at university. I am using the book “Our Iceberg is Melting” by Dr. John Kotter in one of my classes. It’s not (really) about global warming, but instead about change management. It’s a fable showing how you get an organization to enact change well.


The first step is to get your leaders, movers and shakers (influencers) on board and to do that you communicate the great urgent need for the change- the BIG WHY. And your urgent need has to scare people a little- to a penguin a melting iceberg is a very scary situation, indeed.


You need a majority to be on board with the change. Mr. Kotter says you should have at least 50% of an organization on board with the change, and it would be better to have about 75% in full agreement. That’s a lot of people! Thus, your communication of the NEED is really the key to the whole change process.

After that it’s all about communication, organization, planning and seeing the change completely through. This process is nothing to take lightly. Change must be managed well and thoroughly for it to succeed.


Here are the steps:

  • See and communicate the need
  • Decide and Prepare (plan!)
  • Manage the change
  • Reinforce the change


The other reason I am thinking about change is that my third podcast on the topic of change and decision making is now up and running and should you be interested, it gives a more in-depth look into the change process than this blog does.


May you have a lovely rest of the week!

Patricia Jehle