Practice Swinging- between states, that is.

July 4th, 2018 by Patricia Jehle No comments »

So, you want to succeed at something difficult this week?

Learn to and practice your swinging

Find your “happy place” and from that place deal with your problem.  You need to swing.  Research says you should swing between the positive and the negative to succeed.

This baby is in a happy space

This activity is much more than positive thinking or even visualization.  It’s the change of state between positive and negative, it’s practicing it until you are very good at it.  It’s a swing.  You’ve got to learn how to swing back and forth.  Positive to negative and back again – and again.

So, take presentations, for example.

I’m teaching a four-hour course on presenting on Friday and one of our exercises will be just this: the swing.

Here’s how it goes:  you visualize yourself, giving a powerful presentation.  You sand like it, you move like it and you feel yourself breathing calmly, smiling.

And, whoops!  You’ve gotten lost in the middle of the presentation. What to do?  Come from that “happy place” and breathe, remember your one main point, find yourself, breathe, and start from there.  Nobody’s perfect, after all.  And the more you practice the less you will get caught losing your place. As a friend said yesterday, practice prevents slide presentation karaoke (just reading what’s on the slides), and all those “ahs” and “ums”.

Or take a music recital

My son had his first piano recital a few weeks ago.  Practice does help to make perfect, but that swing from anxiety to visualization of the perfect performance, to reality of making a mistake or two in the concert, to swinging back to the happy place and moving on is the key to successfully finishing the piece, especially if you have never played in front of anyone before.

Or maybe you’ve been the recipient of hard news and difficult facts lately.

I have.  I have friends and family who are very ill, maybe you do, too.  And then I went to a museum last week where the exhibit was stolen art, stolen from Jewish families in WWII.  The stories behind the art are very difficultVery tragic.  The recent stories of opportunism regarding children and adults held in the US in prisons run by private companies (earning money off of tragedy) makes me sick.  So, then I move back to my happy place, walking the dog, reading books (and believe me, I am reading a few), and visiting with friends. Work also helps and energies me, whether it’s teaching, coaching or something else.

Get on the swing and try

So, practice your swing and you will become resilient and more successful.  Interested in more, just give me a shout!

Have a great week getting on the swing and practicing your swing,

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com      patricia@jehle-coaching.com

What Story are You Telling

June 26th, 2018 by Patricia Jehle 2 comments »

The story I’m telling myself:

I saw something and felt it was wrong, so instead of accusing, I told my friend this: “The story I’m telling myself* is x.  Is that true?”  I got an answer and that helped clarify some things.  We need to watch how we “believe the truth”.

Truth Believe Act Feel

the way to do it: decide on the truth, believe it, act on it, and let feelings follow

I wish those four words turned into an acronym, but alas, no.

However, even without an acronym, they are a wise way of processing thoughts (which may or may not be truths) and actions.  When I take a truth, such as you are a unique human being of worth, and then decide to believe and act on that truth, my feelings of self-worth should increase.  That is a good process.

This process of checking our thoughts and feelings according to what is true may keep us from inaccurate thoughts and poor choices. More on this another time.

One Truth: We ALL Can Change and Grow

One of the truths about us humans besides our innate worth is our ability to change and learn.  Thus, I can say that I am able to change my habits and learn new healthier ones. This is a truth that I can believe about myself and about the person facing me.   What a liberating thought, and it is completely true!

Believe it!

When I believe that change is part of our human abilities, all sorts of possibilities open up for me, for you, for the person in front of me.  Wow, what would you like to change?  I don’t mean physical appearance and other superficial things.  I mean, would you like to be more organized?  You can be!  Would you like to be a “go-getter”?  Well then, you can be!  Would you like to… the possibilities are enormous.  But you must take that truth, I can change, to heart and really believe it.

Act on it!

Then, take that belief and put it to the test.  Act like it is true.  You have to start moving, trying and trying again.  There is work in change.  It’s not just a mindset, but a way of living.  Thus, to become organized, you have to start organizing and setting up some systems of organization.  It’s not “magic”, it’s thinking and acting in new ways.  It’s learning and changing.  It’s a process.  And you must start somewhere and then move to change.

The feelings will follow.

When I start working on the change I want, the probability of a failure must be accepted.  We all fail and then what happens after the failure is key.  We must look at that failure, and not punish ourselves, but really look at it, reflect on it, learn from it, and take it into consideration for “the next time”. When we feel that it is okay to make mistakes, to fall down and get back into the “ring of life”, we are going to make the change we want.  We who learn from our mistakes are the ones who succeed in the end.

I have to admit that it is easy to write this blog where I am today- in the summer at home. The sun is warm, the air full of fragrant blossoms, and the friend and I are back to “normal”, too.

So, what are you believing (about yourself, or about others) today?

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com     patricia@jehle-coaching.com

*thanks to the wonderful Brené Brown for this tool.  From her vulnerability book, I believe.

I see you – being seen

June 19th, 2018 by Patricia Jehle No comments »

We all have a need to be seen.  To be seen is to be valued for who we are.  Period.  This kind of positive acceptance is at the core of what we humans are about.  You can see this need shown through (and in) the social media, but also in many other ways.

We all need to be seen

This weekend I experienced being seen as a group:  our village had a party to commemorate a book.  In that book were photos of about 400 people from our small village.  That party was great, the book is even greater!

The party started with a “postenlauf”- a mix of treasure hunt and silly games all in one.  Of course, a neighbor won.  After all, we are all neighbors in my small village.  After the postenlauf awards ceremony, we were treated to an apéro with free snacks and drinks, and then there were speeches and then, finally, the time to go get our free book. Then we stood in line for the photographer to sign it.  While se stood we looked at our books and admired each others’ photos.  They were beautiful.

The book process began more than a year before.  As part of an art and culture project supported by the Swiss insurance company, Mobilar, photographer Ruth Erdt actually moved into our village, Freienwil, and began meeting people and taking their portraits.  She lived with us for about six months, taking part in the village activities, meeting people and taking their photographs.

We all had the opportunity to sign up for one or even more photo sessions.  Many couples and families signed up, but I can imagine that it took quite some courage for my widowed neighbors to sign up for their appointments. They did it, though.  So, in the end, we who participated were all seen in a very poignant way.

Frau Erdt probably asked the same things to each of us:  what’s important for you (hobbies, etc.); where do you enjoy hanging out in your home or in the village; which activities do you enjoy doing at home.  With these questions she built her inner picture of us, as individuals, as households and she really tried to portray them to the world. The product was a beautiful book.

Some people chose not to be in the book.  Schade*. Maybe they felt shy, or maybe they don’t identify with the village that much.  Or maybe they had a myriad of other reasons.  It’s sad they didn’t, though, because somehow the project became bigger than itself: a book of photos.  It has had a unifying effect on us.  We are we, and we are ourselves all at the same time.  The party last Saturday, the sharing of each others’ lives in pictures, the positive vibes when we all said, “Oh! What a great photo!” to our neighbors.  It was amazing!  Saturday’s book launch and party was a cultural and hisorical event, a time marked in our communal life history together.

Because we were valued. Because we were seen.  Because we were all together.

We all need this, coaching helps, art helps, parties can help, too.

What else can help?  How are you being seen?

Patricia Jehle

Jehle Coaching            www.jehle-coaching.com      patricia@jehle-coaching.com

*means sad or too bad

Ps, if you want to see our photos, write me.

Going to a conference – and self-care

June 12th, 2018 by Patricia Jehle No comments »

Doing Something for Myself—Enjoying a conference, etc. – and remembering to take off my shoes at the end of the day

what is your idea of self-care?

Sometimes we have to do something for ourselves, like going to the spa, eating chocolate ice cream, or sitting in the sun.  Self-care is rather individual, unique to each person. This past weekend I got to help out some coaches become certified AND I learned a lot in the process and this week I get to attend meetings and moderate a colloquium for a coaching conference because of my work, passions and interests; it is a “me time”, of sorts. I was tired this evening when I returned, but the time and energy were well- spent!

I have been able to focus on my passions:  business coaching, and leadership, meeting people and learning new ideas and concepts.

Here are some of the pearls- up to last night:

The most important time is now

The most significant person is the one in front of me now

The most necessary work is always love

– Meister Eckhart

Presence is the best present

We are all human

Take care of yourself first

 

You must be willing to change to change

 

Get rid of distractions before concentrating

 

Shape your environment to your need

What are you reading and learning?

A positive learning environment is

  • relaxed and alert
  • energized and purposeful
  • free to be honest with myself and others
  • full of respect for myself and others
  • (has) a willingness to contribute and listen to others’ contributions

 

Expectations (and these are key to learning)

I will feel this was worthwhile if I…

(Notes from Saturday and page one of twenty from yesterday’s workshop)

Training is a key to success

What was in it for me:

I got that time to absorb new ideas, meet people of similar passions and interests, and have time to reflect on the whole weekend.  The me-time energized me and now I am not really “back to the grind”, but looking at new horizons.

Absorb new ideas:

Some of the ideas were ones I had heard before, but, as is often the case, I heard a few concepts put differently, or I even learned totally new ideas – then I have to absorb these and try to remember them.  I love learning and so hearing new ideas energizes me.

People who are like-minded:

Meeting people with similar passions, like coaching, business and teaching truly energizes me.  We encourage one another; we feel the energy around us from so much enthusiasm.  I feel at home and I feel empowered by these kinds of meetings.

Taking of my shoes and reflecting on each day:

“Earth’s crammed with heaven,

And every common bush afire with God,

But only he who sees takes off his shoes;

The rest sit round and pluck blackberries.”

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

from Aurora Leigh

It’s not that I have finished reflecting on the time; in fact, I have much more thinking to do.  But those evenings alone began that process and now it must continue for the rest of this and probably next week.

So, what about you?  What are you doing for yourself, to grow, to be encouraged, and when are you going to reflect on those experiences?

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com

patricia@jehle-coaching.com

 

 

News! – What’s new for you?

June 7th, 2018 by Patricia Jehle No comments »

What’s new?  It’s a NEW season, and soon it will be time for holidays!  Time for a check-in!

Colloquium ahead

What’s new for you?  I am doing quite a few new things

Helping to certify new coaches

This weekend I will be part of a team of examiners certifiying more EASC coaches- what a joy, and honor

Moderating a Research Colloquium for Coaches

Next week I have been asked to moderate a colloquium of Coaches and Academics who will present their new research. I will write on that soon, I am sure- as I will be learning a lot!

Attending a conference (with the colloquium), including a workshop day

Coaching Meets Research: http://www.coaching-meets-research.ch/Programme_Coaching_Conference_2018_E_V2.pdf

I’ve recently been to quite a few interesting events

I attended the Geneva Writers’ Conferencein March.  Each time I return with ideas and new writing projects – and new friends, and this time was no different.

The weekend after that I attended the Forum Christliche Führungskräftein Fribourg.

Then, a friend of mine, Hoger Hendrichs is heading up a new effort for Christian startupsin Switzerland, and I attended a startup weekend led by him and my new friend Amadeus Müller-Daubermann:

christianstartupnetwork.ch

Summer holidays begin soon!

There will be ten days at TeenStreet and other plans are in motion, but not concrete- what are your plans???

Supervision is just over the horizon

I will continue my journey of extending my qualifications this fall, and I am very thrilled about it.

But some things remain the same

I still lovedoing coaching

I had hoped for one or two more clients and that has happened, and I continue to enjoy each session and every new issue and client.  As it is summer (no teaching responsibilities), I can even have a few more new clients.

I still love learning and writing

My love of learning has been re-confirmed again and again this spring in the courses I have recently taken. I stillwish one could be paid to learn; I’d earn a million. Writing is such a passion of mine, I love to blog, I am in the midst of writing books, and now I am working on case studies.  Even the few podcasts I have done have been a joy to write.

I still do Spiritual Direction

As a certified spiritual director, I enjoy having a few directees – and being directed, etc.

Well, that’s my news.  What’s new with you?

Patricia Jehle patricia@jehle-coaching.com  www.jehle-coaching.com

Tribalism loses, optimists win

June 5th, 2018 by Patricia Jehle No comments »

Optimists Win- ALWAYS

People are most important, be thankful about them – and open to them

I don’t mean the naïve ones, but the tough-minded ones.

I recently read an article in the Harvard Business Review, https://hbr.org/2016/03/why-the-future-belongs-to-tough-minded-optimists?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+harvardbusiness+%28HBR.org%29

This article is based on a concept of a famous business leader, John Gardner which is called “tough-minded optimism” – is a blend of creativity in ideas, strong convictions about what works and about doing things for the “common good”,and resilience, especially when it comes to the need for change.  To quote, “The future is not shaped by people who don’t really believe in the future,” Gardner wrote. Rather, “it is created by highly motivated people, by enthusiasts, by men and women who want something very much or believe very much.”

According to Gardner, leaders can have a mix of abilities and qualities, but there is no replacementfor what he calls, “the lift of the spirit and heightened performance that comes from motivation.”  I couldn’t agree more. 

As we go into the month, let us remember the WHYwe are doing things and if it isn’t a good enough why, then, find something better to do.  If you really want to do something well, you need to believe in what you are doing. That gives you motivation of the best kind.

Also, here are a few tips to help you remain optimistic: 

1) Smile more. 

There is research that proves that if your carry your body in a certain way, it can change your mood. Smiling really makes you more positive. Ask Amy Cuddy.

2) Stand like Wonder Woman. 

No joke.  This activity also gives you the positive power and presence you might need today to get out there and “win one for the Gipper”.  Try it—but best perhaps at home or in the bathroom, not in front of those you will be presenting to.

3) Reframe the negative with gratitude.

Being thankful for what you have and what is good is a very good practice.  It actually can change your negativism.

4) Avoid Tribalism, if at all possible.

Now you say, “But finding your tribe is the new thing to do!”  Sort of yes, and yet, no, in the end.

We can, and should, learn and get energy from like-minded people.  And now her comes the big BUT:  We can’t ONLYhang out with and respect people only we like and who are like us.

That’s tribalism at its worst, and for me that’s the main issue with our western world (maybe the whole world?) at the moment.  I thought I was being original until recently I googled tribalism and found that there were tons of people talking about how we have to reach out to other people of all kinds, hear from them and not “other-ize”.  Try googling it.  The first couple of entries are definitions and a wiki, but after two or three entries you only find negative articles – from The Guardian, WIRED, The Atlantic, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The American Conservative, Bloombergand many manymore.

Wow!  I thought I was being original– but I guess not.  It seems tribalism sucks.

GOOD GROWTH

Another friend would put it this way:  only by getting your of your comfort zone will you actually grow.  And thus, staying inside your tribe will keep you from growing, and achieving what you could, if you rub shoulders with people who are different from you.

Finally, I want to leave you with questions that might help you to think about where are you are regarding optimism and tribalism:  How often do you use the word “they” to separate yourself from another group of people? How often do you use “we” with people who are not like you?

I wish you a very optimistic month of growth!

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-coaching.com          www.jehle-coaching.com

What are you reading? What’s on your list?

May 29th, 2018 by Patricia Jehle No comments »

Summer reading

I have bought a few books lately, and then Brené Brown came out with an amazing nightstand/library post (here: www.brenebrown.com/library/)- so I have work to do over the long summer! I need to read!

Here are just some of my own summer reading suggestions I have for you, if you don’t have your own list ready:

Leadership

  • Integrity by Henry Cloud
  • Boundaries for Leaders by Henry Cloud
  • Strengthening the Soul of yourLeadership by Ruth Haley Barton
  • Tribe of Mentors by Timothy Ferr (an easy read, BTW)

Coaching

  • International Coaching in a Complex World by Starkey, Boyer, and Wilkenfeld
  • The Routledge Companion to International Business Coaching
  • Systemic Coaching and Constellations by John Whittington

Personal Growth

  • The Relationship Cure by John Gottman
  • Presence by Amy Cuddy
  • Stitches by Anne Lamott
  • Getting to Yes with Yourself by William Ury
  • The Gifts of Imperfection
  • I thought it was just Me
  • Daring Greatly
  • Rising Strong
  • Braving the Wildernessall five by Brené Brown

Business (and start-ups)

  • Creativity Inc. by Ed Catmull
  • The Effective Executive by Peter Drucker
  • Sway by Ori and Ram Brafman

Literature and summer fun reading

  • The Valley of Amazement by Amy Tan
  • The House at the Edge of Night by Catherine Banner
  • The Sympathizer by Viet Thanh Nguyen
  • Dragon Bones by Lisa See
  • Snow Flower by Lisa See
  • Ilsa by Madeleine L’Engle
  • The Little Coffee Shop of Kabul by Deborah Rodriguez
  • The Mapmaker’s Children by Sarah McCoy
  • No One Here Except All of Us by Ramona Ausubell

 

And here is on my nightstand of to read at present: 

  • Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke
  • The Pearl Sister by Lucinda Riley
  • More than Miracles by de Shazer
  • Miracle, Solution and System by Sparrer
  • We were Eight Years in Power by Coates

What are you reading?

Have a lovely week,

Patricia Jehle               www.jehle-coaching.com     patricia@jehle-coaching.com

 

 

 

What’s your focus?

May 22nd, 2018 by Patricia Jehle No comments »

An infectious laugh does miracles (pintrest photo)

Joy, Hope and Beauty

My life is quite full and busy with positiveactivities — full of joy hope and beauty.  Focusing on the good can help you through tough times.  What’s your focus?  Here’s what I’ve been contemplating:

A toddler’s belly laugh

Sunday I was eating with a friend of mine at a restaurant and the toddler at the next table was being teased and joked with by her grandpa.  The infectious belly laugh of a delighted toddler should be canned and sent to every world leader.  Maybe we might move towards world peace, at least there would be a lot of happy hearts. Just thinking of this little girl and her laugh makes me smile.

Meetings meetings meetings, but good (some coaching) ones!

May and June are meeting (and coaching meeting) months for me.  I enjoy the change from (mostly) teaching to mostly coaching.  Meetings can be good.

Holidays, short and long

Switzerland celebrates the moveable feasts.  Over Ascension we went camping along Lake Constance and into Germany in a VW bus. What fun!  I was also able to take a week and “go home” to visit family and friends, too.

Blooming Garden!

Going into the garden and enjoying all the colors and blossoms can really change my day. Everything smells so good, too!

Books!

I have been reading, as usual.  I have enjoyed quite a number of books late, but my reading list is as long as ever. Besides still working through Henry Cloud’s Integrity, and Boundaries for Leaders I am reading Tribe of Mentorsby Timothy Ferr– and some novels to keep me entertained…  What are you reading?

Art and Museums

One of my new friends and I have a tradition of attending art museums together. I enjoy the exhibits, and my friend is adept in modern art and can help me enjoy and understand it better.  We will be attending a Picasso exhibit this week, and I am so looking forward to it, and to the piggy-back visit to the Hermann Hesse Museum the same day.

Coffee and meals with family and friends

Finally, I’ve been taking time to spend with family and friends.  It is great to connect with people and to have important discussions with them.  I recently remarked that my view of success has changed to how I am doing with my important relationships.  This has become more and more important to me in the past few years.

What makes your life full and joyful?  What have you been up to?  What are you focusing on?  I wish you a positive week full of joy, hope and beauty!

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-coaching.com

www.jehle-coaching.com

Take off your shoes and pay attention

May 16th, 2018 by Patricia Jehle No comments »

Time to get away – and reflect

Reflecting

Doing Something for Myself—Enjoying a short break and remembering to take off my shoes at the end of the day and think

Sometimes we have to do something for ourselves, like going to the spa, eating chocolate ice cream, or sitting in the sun.

Self-care is rather individual, unique to each person.  Last weekend I went camping in a VW bus because of the looong Ascension weekend in Switzerland; it was a “we weekend” with my husband and some good “old” friends. I was really tired Sunday night when we returned, but the time, money and energy spent were well- spent on relationships and on fun!

I have my unique set of work and fun passions:  business start-ups and leadership, writing, teaching, meeting with people (“old” friends and gaining new ones) and learning new ideas and concepts.  What are yours?

Now I am taking another short break before a heavy season of correction and meetings, but not in Europe.

What is in it for me:

Friends and family- relationships are key, and we need to care for them. Also, a little “me” time  and downtime is involved, of course.

Taking of my shoes and reflecting on each day:

“Earth’s crammed with heaven,

And every common bush afire with God,

But only he who sees takes off his shoes;

The rest sit round and pluck blackberries.”

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

from Aurora Leigh

Take time to reflect

Each day I try to allow myself the luxury of going “home” and relaxing, taking off my shoes and putting my feet up and reflecting on the day, on the things I’ve heard and seen, and the people I have met, and how all this might all change me and give me new perspectives.  Seeing, as in the poem, brings new perspectives.  I – we all – need to take that time to see.  In the movie I saw on the airplane yesterday (“Lady Bird”), it was said that love and paying attention are basically synonymous.  I can agreed.  Let’s love more.  Let’s pay attention more.  Let’s reflect.

It’s not that I will ever have finished reflecting on my life; in fact, I have much more thinking to do – every day.  But short times in the evenings are a way to begin that process which must continue into the future.

So, what about you?  What are you doing for yourself, to grow, to be encouraged, and when are you going to take off your shoes and reflect on your daily experiences?

Have a great week!

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com

patricia@jehle-coaching.com

 

 

 

 

DON’T do it!

May 9th, 2018 by Patricia Jehle No comments »

Feeling uneasy about something? Just DON’T do it!  Don’t be like Nike, for once.

Are you trying to make a decision about something and just can’t get past some of the “ish” factors? Or are you talking yourself into something that maybe you (or your trusted network) might not feel so right about- maybe you are wanting to just get that first deal?

Wait.  Look for red flagsand ask these questions:

Don’t do it! Why?

  • Do you feel it’s right, do you feel totallygood about it? It’s moral and good activity/partnership?
  • Do you feel comfortable agreeing to the terms and conditions, allof them?
  • Do you see all the outcomes and want all of them to come pass?
  • Does your body, mind and spirit agree to the total package?
  • Are there any (important) values being violated in this?
  • Are your going to resent the decision, the people you might be with- do you already resent it?
  • Are you worried about the possible consequences?
  • Is this a “repeat performance” of a similar (bad) experience that you had? How or why?

If you can answer these questions in a positive and wholehearted way, go ahead.  But otherwise, it’s probably best to turn the opportunity down.

Dr. Henry Cloud, Leadership Coach and renowned author and speaker says the above in his book, “Integrity”.  He also writes, “people deny the negative just because they want what there is so much and they cannot delay gratificationuntil the right deal or situation comes along.” (my italics)

Here are some things we can do too fast and then must deal with the bad consequences:

  • Hiring too fast
  • Getting engaged too fast
  • Starting a partnership too fast (any kind of partnership)
  • Buy a house too fast
  • Buy a business or a business property too fast
  • Make a business deal too fast

Remember, listen to your “inner voice” and do not push it away.  Do not make excuses for the downsides.  Pay attention to the negatives.

We don’t want to choose too fast and then have to use a fire escape.

Face those negatives, even if it’s hard because, really, there is no shortcut to success.  Beware of fast tips and “tricks”.  They usually have poor “payment” plans.  If it’s really worth it, like our parents said, whatever it is, it’s worth the wait.  Wait for the “right one”.  Otherwise, we may spend a lot of wasted time and energy repairing the poor (fast) decision.

So, do it, when it is right. Or, maybe better when you have a little “gut-feeling”,  just don’t do it.

Have a great (rest of the) week, in Switzerland tonight is the beginning of a looong Ascension weekend – enjoy!

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com      patricia@jehle-coaching.com