Posts Tagged ‘courage’

Courage after Failure

September 5th, 2017

We all need courage

We all need courage to do the hard things in life and get ahead, but what happens when you lose your courage?

Maybe you had a bad annual review. Maybe you were fired. Perhaps you failed an exam and now see no way forward. Somehow, you failed and all the platitudes about everyone failing and needing to get back in the proverbial saddle just make you want to puke. So, what is to do?

Grieve. Breathe. Envision. Care. Move and PLAN for success.

GRIEVE

You need to grieve the failure, because it is a loss of a plan, an unreached goal. Before you can move on, you have got to take some time and grieve. It’s normal and necessary to go through this, but it will take some time to do it well. There has been much written about this process, I am sure you can google it, but here is a good place: http://wp.me/p5Y10a-5s

BREATHE

We need to calm down before we can get our courage back. Breathing of any kind, especially breathing exercises, are great for this. You can also distract yourself with positive activities like listening to music or reading a book. Whatever you do, it should be positive for you, body mind and spirit, and not harmful to anyone else. Here is something on breaking up stress: http://wp.me/p5Y10a-nd with these breaths, you can realize what you have learned from this failure–and then you should remember to start caring for yourself, too.

CARE

Put some self-care into your day and week. Be grateful, take a bath, go for a walk, call a friend, have a tea or coffee. Those are all activities that help me care for myself. What would it be for you? Schedule some of those activities into your week, and then keep scheduling them. Here is something on self-care: http://wp.me/p5Y10a-3w

Move and PLAN

One of the laws of physics says that to expend less energy, an object needs to stay in motion, and this goes for us, too. So, except when you are on holiday, keep the ball(s) rolling while you plan your next moves.

PLAN and then move (keep on moving)

To get somewhere, anywhere you want to go, you will need a plan, so while you are still moving, make a new plan with SMART goals and steps that are just as smart. When you have that new plan in place move in the new direction.

Maybe your failure is not so big, and you just need to get up, brush yourself off and move on, but for the bigger failures you will need to grieve, breathe, care, and move and plan. Failure is part of life and it may just lead you to your biggest success.

May your failures be stepping-stones to success! May you find your courage to continue again!

Patricia Jehle www.jehle-caoching.com     patricia@jehle-coaching.com

Don’t just cry, DO Something!

August 15th, 2017

A walk can help you think

A Walk and a PLAN

This morning I had a walk with the dog and made a plan for the week, after shedding even more tears over the past weekend in Charlottesville. What can I do in light of the polarization and violence? What can we all do to bring about positive change? This week I will be doing most of these actions listed below, and if not this week, next week. Will you join me in some ACTION?

  • Hang our with people who are different from you

The mere fact you are learning from someone with differences will make you more open, and a better person. Mostly listen, don’t preach or teach.

  • Give of your time

Volunteer- at your local refugee office, at your homeless center, at the free meal service at the church down the street (the one I know of in St. Paul is called “Loaves and Fishes”), do whatever.

  • Give of your money

Put your money where your mouth (or tears) is

  • State your pain and speak out

Call your local representative, write letters, go to meetings, say prayers with others.

  • Join a group of bridge-builders

One of the things that helps positive change most, is to intentionally meet up with people who want to make a peaceful difference and build bridges between differences.

  • Cry if and when you need to

Tears of anger, of sadness, of grief, of repentance. We need to repent of our silence. We need to speak out and do something, for our world, but for ourselves, too.

Benefits of tears: go ahead and cry first

Besides being precious tears are important for health. We cry to release intense feelings, but also the body is able to rid itself of impurities. Tears are also important for emotional health. Then after a good cry or two, take action.

So, are you sad about, grieving about Charlottesville? What your you going to do about it?

I wish you a good week, thinking, feeling, and taking action.

 

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com     blog: www.jehle-coachingexpat.com

contact me at: patricia@jehle-coaching.com

 

Also, if you are a SME owner or leader, I invite you to join my group, “SMEs Grow Together” on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/7041402

 

Elephant analogies

July 18th, 2017

Elephants and Life

Recently my thoughts have been inundated with elephants- on the internet there is a cute baby elephant chasing birds, for example and my daughter loves it. The metaphors using elephants are also in my face these days, namely eating elephants and elephants in living rooms.

What do you eat for breakfast?

Elephants, especially baby ones can be cute. But they are quite big. Eating one is a metaphor for getting a huge project finished. One of my favorite metaphors is eating an elephant for breakfast. This means you face your tough decisions, and tough jobs first thing and do not procrastinate. It means you can celebrate with a mid-morning coffee, knowing you have done the hardest thing on your to-do list already. It means you have finished over 50% of your work by lunch, and you can really relax for your break time. So, set your day up to get the most difficult activities over first thing, and you will be able to focus better throughout your day. This idea can also be applied to your work week: get the harder things done earlier in the week and save Friday afternoons for emails and other activities.

Do you have to eat an elephant, or is there one in your living room?

What is filling your living room?

What about that proverbial elephant in the living room? This metaphor is all about facing the non-addressed problems in a team, in a group, in a family. Do you have some elephants to deal with? You must remember that facing the elephant will, in the end, be good for you and for your team (group and family). It is true that the only way out of a problem is through it and ignoring it will only make the problem an bigger elephant. Finally, it’s about trust in your leadership abilities. Henry Cloud in his book, Integrity says that “Avoiding the elephant in the living room not only allows the problem to continue, but erodes trust…”

Naming the elephant doesn’t always work, though. The people have to want to change, to want to talk about it, that elephant. At a wedding last year we wanted to have fun with the couple, and to help make the ceremony and party a success, a happy time. So, it was easy for us to see and acknowledge that elephant spoken about by the pastor at the wedding and once she was made visible, the elephant could go home. We didn’t want to keep her in the room, nor did we want to bring her to the reception afterwards.

But I have, once, seen a brave person address a room of listeners where people did not want to change. She specifically named “that elephant in the room” and used just that phrase. But for many people, it was to no avail. They didn’t want to let the elephant leave because it was too uncertain, too scary with too many unknowns. The speaker’s message was not heard because the listeners were not willing to be open and to change, to admit their faults, their humanity, and perhaps even to laugh at themselves. It was sad, but she had no control over it in the end.

So, name that elephant and be open to change, even if it might hurt at first.

Your experiences either help you or stop you from talking about and eating elephants

Finally, negative experiences can really deter you from healthy work and life practices. For example, if you spoke up in a work meeting about the proverbial elephant and were ignored or worse, attacked, you may have a very hard time addressing problems at a next meeting. Either you may feel that you are not heard or not taken seriously, or you were hurt enough that you feel you need to protect yourself. Also, if you became stuck eating an elephant early in the day too many times, and di not find a successful way of finishing the project, you may have set up some pretty strong procrastination patterns to avoid such failures.

In the end it is about bouncing back

How can you bounce back from those failures in a way that helps you eat elephants and talk about the elephants in the living room? It has to do with your character and whether you have integrity or not. People with integrity have the mental and emotional resources available to face these kinds of set-backs and try again. Sometimes, a good coach can help in this kind of growth, to help people integrate their values and actions in a way that allows them to succeed more often, and to bounce back after failures.

I wish you a week full of eating elephants, speaking of elephants and bouncing back.

Patricia Jehle www.jehle-coaching.com patricia@jehle-coaching.com

I stand with Refugees

February 9th, 2017

Where do you stand?

 

I wrote this blog almost two years ago, but it bears reposting at the moment. I have changed very little but the paragraph at the end is new.

Refugees are human beings with human rights, needs, fears, and a lot of bravery. #Istandwithrefugees

***

I am in the USA and recently had the opportunity of flying on a very special flight to Chicago.

 

My Confusion

The Zürich-Chicago flight was half-full and I was tired because of my early rising to be “on time” for arrival at the airport. Hurry up and wait is the motto of flying, especially internationally.

 

Because I was bleary-eyed, the group Swiss was boarding (they always board groups early) looked to me like a band or choir. Their uniforms were obviously African in dress and their skin tone matched the traditional dress of the women. The men wore more western clothing, but it was all the same. I was rather confused as to why so many small children, also in the same clothing, were flying with the band/choir.

 

Freedom

Upon boarding I was pleased to note that I had a free seat next to me and spread out accordingly, getting comfortable, starting to watch “The Theory of Everything” when the African gentleman from the choir across the aisle from me asked what to do with the customs card. I was free, having nothing to do for nine hours ahead of me, so I was happy to help.

 

Clarification

After pausing the movie and taking off my headphones, I started to explain the reason for the card and then what was required in each box: name, flight, and passport. When we got to passport part, the young man was a bit concerned. I showed him my passport to illustrate and he shook his head. He had no passport, “just” a bag with him, which he showed me. The bag was printed with something like, “International Migration Services”.

 

Well, by then I had figured it out. There were about three dozen brave refugees on board, flying to the USA for a new life.

 

I felt privileged to be able to vicariously experience their arrival in a country where they would not have to live in a war zone. The man, a father with two little boys, was traveling with his wife to Chicago first and then to Florida. In Chicago the group would break up and go on to the places where they had sponsors. I still think often of these people and their bravery.

 

Bravery

The family had already experienced many firsts on their journey from Guinea to Tanzania via Nairobi and then from Tanzania to Chicago via Zurich: new clothes (they were all dressed alike because of the IRC -International Refugee Committee- donations and thus I thought they were a musical group), flying on an airplane, so many Caucasians around them, new food, new language, new climate.

 

The refugees would also be experiencing many more firsts soon, ones not always so positive. I felt for this man, for his wife and kids, for all the others. The list of new challenges they will encounter can go on forever, but their fear of the new was overridden by the fear of what they had left. They had left a war zone. The father said, “Whatever is ahead is better than being killed, seeing your children killed.”

 

Lessons learned

I can learn from this man; we all can. He has already been able to overcome what seems to me to be insurmountable barriers. He was able to make important, if very hard, decisions, and to continue on his way to a new solution, a new place.

 

He had few illusions to the difficulties he would face ahead, but he believed that there was opportunity ahead and only death and destruction behind. He knows that his future is in his hands and he has taken the responsibility seriously.

 

Today, 21 months later

I wish I knew what has happened to this little family of four. Are they still in Florida? Have they been accepted? Are they on some awful list to be deported. Only God knows. It breaks my heart to see the way the refugee stories are playing out at the moment. I hope it breaks yours, too.

 

May you be able to face the difficult moments and make brave decisions.

My coaching website can be found at www.jehle-coaching.com

You can write me at patricia@jehle-coaching.com

Refugee children at play

Thinking of My Heroes

January 20th, 2017

How are you doing today?

This morning I woke up early and angry, both of those things are not very common for me, so I pondered and asked myself why I was feeling this way and realized it is because today is January 20, 2017.

Then I gathered my will and wits and thought about positive people that I look up to, past and present and I was encouraged. My heroes.

Be encouraged today by your heroes.

Here are three of mine: my mother (surprise!), my father-in-law, and my friend, B. Although I have many more and could write a book about my unsung heroes, I will write a blog about these three.

 

My mother, Marge Christensen, became a widow when I was four and she was just over 40 years old. Having lived all her life with first her biological family and then with my dad and siblings, being single was a strange experience, and being a single mom in the 60s, put her in a place of discrimination and where we lived, not very high “on the totem pole”. Mom worked in a factory and had married before finishing high school, which in her time was quite the norm. Mom, a product of circumstances and her time, became a strong feminist and a very healthy positive independent woman and much of this transformation happened before my very eyes. She worked long hard hours, saved, was independent in so many ways- bought her own car, home and furniture, planned her – our – future (all for the first, and then many times) and lived a good life. Mom had a long, happy retirement and lived to be 92. She was healthy until just before she died in 2015. At the funeral my sibs made me say something and I think I said a version of this: my mother was a smart, strong and very sexy woman who was positive about life. Today I remember that positivity.

 

My father-in-law, Werner Jehle, was a highly trained watchmaker, the old fashioned kind who could actually make and fix really expensive hig-quality watches. He and his wife grew up in Germany near the Swiss border and one of their dreams, besides going to Canada, was moving to Switzerland, the land of watches. So they did move to Switzerland, first to Baden and then to Bern where my husband was born. But circumstances change and for Werner the issue was that digital watches had become the craze and he saw little future as a watchmaker, anymore. So Werner took an opportunity given him by the government and trained as an elementary school teacher. He was not so young anymore, but he saw an opportunity and took it. He and wife Elisabeth moved to the countryside with their family and Werner became the village teacher, which is also not an easy life for him as you are seen as a public figure of sorts; and Werner was a rather shy man. But he made the best of the situation, eventually moving back to Baden and then retiring there. He saw an opportunity and made the best of his situation. He took positive steps and benefitted from his good choices.

 

My friend, B, came to Switzerland with his wife and son as a political refugee. Because he is still a political refugee and because his homeland is still in a dangerous state, his name will remain a secret. B was a successful engineer at home and he and his family had had a middle class lifestyle in a place where there was a very small middle class. Then he moved here to Switzerland where he didn’t know the language and his work training and experience “didn’t count”. So, B learned German and got trained as a tradesman. B chose to continue forward and to think positively, even in a terrible situation. He and his wife and son have settled well here and Switzerland has become their new home, even though they still miss their first home. As someone who has moved to Switzerland under “easy” circumstances, I know transitions can be hard, and B was able to make that transition, and yet another hard transition: learning a new profession and then working in a foreign language. What a hero for me! He was positive even when his circumstances were bleak. B was strong, made hard changes and moved onwards and upwards.

 

I have other, more famous heroes. You probably do, too. This week I say goodbye to one hero who was my president, and I took a day to remember another: Martin Luther King Jr. Neither of those men had easy lives and yet they were positive and grace-full to the end. My hat goes off to both of them, too.

So, what can I do today? Remember my heroes and think positively and move forward, making good choices. One day, one step at a time. I suggest you do the same. Who are your heroes? Why?

 

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-coaching.com

Ten Traits of Good Leadership

November 28th, 2016

n-hill

 

Ten traits of successful leadership

 

I am reading “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill and in the book I have found some real gems. One is his list for being a good leader- here is my interpretation:

 

1-Courage

All good leaders have to have courage because they are making decisions not only for themselves but for their employees, or whoever they lead. This is a big responsibility and takes courage. This courage is based on self-knowledge and self-confidence.

 

2-Self-control

Not only must courage, but also self-control must be part of the leader’s make up. Self-indulgence cannot be tolerated. Instead, emotions and whims should be kept under control so as to lead and reach goals. Hill says that if a leader cannot control him or herself, s/he cannot control other people. Wise words, indeed!

 

3-Keen sense of justice

A leader must not only be just but value justice on a whole, so the organization can survive and thrive. The best organizations run on a platform of fairness, truth, and justice. With these kinds of values, the people in the organization will respect the leaders. Without such values, the employees will look on the leadership with cynicism and disgust.

 

4-Makes and keeps decisions

A leader should be able to make (good) decisions and then stick to them so that the followers feel safe in the direction of the organization. There needs to be a security that those “at the top” know what they are doing and where they are going.

 

5-Keeps to a well thought out plan

The plan is based on the abilities of the organization, on metrics, on market demands and constraints and not on guess-work. There needs to be estimates, but good ones, not just guesses. Then it will be a good plan. The ship “needs a rudder”, as Hill says.

 

6-Doing more than required

A leader leads by model, and when one expects a lot from those following, one should do even more than they do. The leader must do more that s/he requires of his or her followers. Period.

 

7-Personable and cooperative

A good leader has soft skills and is able to lead in a cooperative style, and not just like an army general. Gone are the days of total top-down powerful heads. For the followers to respect leaders those softs skills, laced with integrity, will go a long way. Hill says, “Leadership calls for power, and power calls for cooperation.”

 

8-Empathy and good communication skills

Empathy is not sympathy. Empathy feels with and is on eye level with the other person. Sympathy feels sorry for and puts oneself in a place of being superior to the other person. Thus, all leaders should lead with empathy. Also, Hill does not address this, but good communication skills are very important for today’s successful leader.

 

9-Mastery of the details of the particular leadership post

Every kind of leadership has its particulars and they should be learned and mastered to be successful at that job. Of course, if there is an option, it could be that the leader finds help with certain details that are not in his or her “skill set”. But in general, this is the key to being successful: learning the details and doing them correctly.

 

10-The buck actually stops here

The good leader accepts the responsibility that the decisions and actions of the company, of the division, of the team, of the group lie in her of his jurisdiction. The buck does stop here, with the leader. The successful leader must be willing to assume responsibility for the mistakes and short-comings of his followers.” A good leader accepts and owns that responsibility.

 

Of course there are many other traits and sills that could be mentioned, but here are some good ones to start with. And you can’t go wrong with them.

 

Enjoy your week and I wish you much success! Should you want to visit my site: www.jehle-coaching.com –Or join my group on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/7041402

 

Have a great week!

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-coaching.com

 

change-books

Mae Hong Son on my mind

December 30th, 2015

What I would have written for a BA writing competition, had I qualified.

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I decided to write something for the competition called cities even though I didn’t qualify. I was there a year ago and miss my friends and the place (and Chiang Mai and Pai) dearly. What would you write about?

 

The Shan City of Mae Hong Son, Thailand

 

Muang Mae Hong Son is an gateway, full of local charm. As a gateway, it receives refugees and visitors from Myanmar on a regular basis. The UNHCR (United Nations High Commission for Refugees) has an official office there and, of course, works with various non-profit organizations, especially the Border Consortium, to help the incoming refugees to be processed and cared for. You can find it right near the airport, just around the corner from the nearest seven-eleven.

 

Visitors travelling via local ground transport from the southern Shan State in Myanmar are allowed to stay and visit the hospital in Mae Hong Son with a special permit. The Thai government sees this provision as part of its humanitarian effort to help those on the other side of the border who have little access to health care.

 

The city of Mae Hong Son itself is as Shan as the other side of border in Myanmar.   One can get a truck to Myanmar at the market. Usually, it is the Shan and the Karen peoples who use this cross-border ground travel. Although it is commonly known that Burmese insurgents live just on the other side of the border, it is not a dangerous city at all. The insurgents also make use the hospital and shopping in Mae Hong Son and they run some of the informal travel between the two parts of the Shan-kin network, as well as a few of the border check-points. The rest of the border controls are under the Burmese military or the police.

 

Thus, one can say that Mae Hong Son is pretty Shan in culture. If you don’t know what that is, Google it. I have a friend who recently published a book, From Princes to Persecuted, by Shona Goodman, PhD, for the more curious. Mae Hong Son sports a lake (called a pond in the local language) surrounded by Buddhist temples, one of them being of Shan architecture. The Wat on the local mountain is not Thai, but also Burmese and Shan inspired in its making. The food in the market, although it can also be ethnic Thai, much is Shan and one can taste such delicacies such as the dark-colored sticky rice called kao phuk. My favorite Shan food is the savory breakfast porridge made up of chick pea flour. I can say it is only for the adventurous, but it’s probably even gluten free.

 

For the rather adventurous types, you might want to try and meet up with some of the Free Burma Rangers. There are people at the night market and in the restaurants that know other people who know people. Just ask, or they may approach you as happened to me. Also, you can be sure to enjoy the parade of nations at the night market. The city has, at any time of the year, visitors from all over the world. The people watching is at its best, because these are not the typical travellers you find in Bangkok, but those who prefer the off the beaten track type of holiday, as I do.

We are learning beings

November 19th, 2015

What I have learned in the past two weeks:

I have been home to say the final goodbye to my mom this past week. It has been hard and good at the same time, as often these kinds of turning points in life are. We need to take them as they come, walk through them and learn from them. I have learned a lot from this past month or so. Here are some of the things I have learned:

Being there is more important than getting it done

I didn’t do much while I was home. I am a list person, a doing person, and the list was rather small for the weekend of my mom’s funeral: get photographs copied, let my nieces put them up on poster-board, and shop for cookies and flowers with the family. But the fact that I was there and a part of the conversation, of the process was really important- for my siblings, for my nieces and nephews, and especially for me. I was just there, being me. And it was really important.

Often we are more interested in what we can contribute to an activity or event, but we don’t realize that our presence is present enough. For relationships, that is usually what is needed. Our authentic presence is key.

IMG_1079

Express your appreciation as often as possible

I can never say thank you enough. Saying thank you shows your genuine acknowledgement of a person’s kind actions, sentiments and words. That is exactly what I experienced this past week: so many emails, cards, hugs, kind words, gifts of work, gifts of time… the list could go on and on.

My husband and I teach; he in a gymnasium (read Preparatory High School in American English) and I at a Business College in a University. Both of us received condolences, not only from colleagues and the administration, but also from our classes. That was very unexpected and heartwarming. It means a lot to hear this, and to hear concern (and appreciation) in these messages. I will thank them as soon as I see them, even though I thanked them by email, as I was getting ready to leave. I have thanked so many people for their kind words and deeds in the past month, and I mean every sentiment.

A smile and hug are often the best present

Having said that, the most simple of actions can mean a whole lot. A hug. Research shows that a human being needs five hugs a day to survive and even more to thrive. So I must have really thrived over the past to weeks- especially since going back for my mom’s goodbye service. Remember as the holiday season comes upon us to give – and receive hugs. The minimum is five a day. And you will be gifting people with the gift of a warm human touch.

Poignant words at the appropriate time can have lasting impact

I have a good friend who has remained relatively close since college days. She is very good with words, and is very wise for our age. She reminded me over hot apple cider that I am also an orphan now, as she (and my husband) is. My coaching instructor reminded me that my roots have been affected, as is always the case when a parent dies. My words also affect people, and I should use them wisely, too.

Laughter is really a great medicine

In the remembering sessions our family had before, during and after the memorial service, laughter was a key ingredient of the process. We all have funny stories about my mom, sometimes my mom was a privy to them, sometimes just a part, and sometimes the instigator. It was a very healing experience to sit and remember and laugh about so many good times together. I think mom would have been pleased to be remembered in this way and to see her family not only mourning, but laughing together.

This is what I have been learning. We all learn. So, what have you been learning lately?DSCN8921

I would welcome comments or questions at patricia@jehle-coaching.com and you can find out more about me and my business at www.jehle-coaching.com

 

Reflection Mondays

August 31st, 2015

Mondays are a day for me to reflect on the past week, especially when the weekend was somehow included and made it a package, not a bookend. Today, this is one of my tasks: reflect on last week and place it into perspective.

 

Part of last week’s story is not totally mine alone. A dear friend and neighbor died after a long hard illness on Thursday morning AND his daughter celebrated her wedding vows on the following Saturday afternoon. Both pieces of life were very emotional and energy consuming enough alone; yet this past week they were bound together. Life and death: past, present, future. But for me, as I am really only an on-looker to this drama, I feel the sadness, the joy, the anger and grief, the amazing freeing love of the family and stand amazed… What a great party on Saturday evening! It was truly a wonderful celebration! I am amazed, and recovering from the immense energy of raw emotion.

 

IMG_1316

That dance of life and death would have already been enough for me to reflect on, but of course, there’s work and there are other activities in my life that made up my week. For example, I was part of a good, but not easy meeting that must continue as a conversation in the near future, to come to some decisions about the future direction of a program. Then there was the annual social/outdoor work event that took place in the wind and rain. That day was quite beneficial for body, mind, networking, and soul (it was fun); there were good conversations and great food, as usual. I saw people who I don’t usually get to see during regular working hours and I met a new co-worker or two. But the walking, wind and rain left me physically drained. I slept well that night, but awoke to very stiff muscles. I have been working on those muscles ever since.

 

Begin this week with some reflection

What do you do to begin your week? Do you look at your calendar and prepare mentally and physically for the days to come? Do you reflect on the previous week, on what you learned and experienced? Do you try and place all these activities, emotions and relationships into an integrated whole? Today I am doing these very things.

 

A rather important part of how I do my reflection is to look at my assumptions and decide if they are limiting me and if they are true. I thank Nancy Kline and her books, “Time to Think” and “More Time to Think” for the following ideas for you to consider.

 

Time to Think

So, here goes: What am I assuming that is stopping me (or the business) from moving forward? Do I think the assumption is true? What is true and liberating instead? If I knew that the true and liberating assumption is correct, how would I go forward?

 

For example (my own example, Nancy’s formula), I see that my customer/client base is shrinking. I suddenly have no idea as to the way to generate more growth. So, I ask myself, “What am I assuming that is stopping my thinking?” Then I might think, “I am assuming that nobody wants my product/service. After all, it’s new and why would they pay attention to it?” So then you think about this. Is there proof for this assumption? “Is it really true that nobody wants my service/product?” Then I would say, “Well, that’s a supposition, an assumption.” So, then I would ask myself, “If it is not true that nobody wants my product/service, what are my words for what is true and liberating—for a way out of this thinking?” Then I might think, “The market has been proven to be open and ready for the business and what I offer.” So, then I would ask myself, “If the market is open for our business and its products, what could I do about the customer base?” and then “What more could I do?” And so on…

 

I wish you a reflective, productive, and very liberating week!

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com

Reasons: right and questionable

July 27th, 2015

 

 
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A friend has chosen not to do something because of what others will think or say of that activity. I saw red flags, do you?

 

There are a number of reasons not to do something, but “what people will say” is one of the last reasons on my list. How about yours?

 

Here are some good reasons not to do something:

 

  • It’s illegal.
  • It will hurt someone.
  • I don’t want to do it.

 

It’s illegal

I follow the laws of the land, attempting to be a good citizen, not out of fear, but the support the social system. This means, for example, I pay for my garbage bag stickers and put my garbage in them, and not at some random public garbage can. I do however, put found garbage and my chewing gum in public cans.

 

It will hurt someone

Most of us know a lot of information that could hurt someone else, either personally or professionally. If I choose to share information, say via the internet, that would be hurtful, and I wouldn’t do it. Hurting people for my perceived gain is not something I do, even when it feels more like vilifying myself than “gaining”.

 

I also follow my heart

If I don’t want to do something and I don’t have to do it, I say “no”. I have to do my own taxes, but I don’t have to say yes to someone else’s projects. If I’m not passionate about it, why spend time on it? In then end, it would be doing that person (and the project) a disservice, since my heart would not be in it, I wouldn’t give my all for it. So, I follow my heart.

 

Following your heart leads to doing the things you are passionate about. This leads to great personal and work performance, and happier days as a result. What’s then to lose when you say no to the wrong things, and say yes to the right things?

 

Don’t decide from fear; it’s a trap

My friend used the word fear a lot in this conversation about not wanting to do something for fear of what others say. I really don’t want to make fear-driven decisions because, according to neurologists and other people who know a lot about the brain and decision-making, when one feels fear the brain is “stuck” in the most reptilian-like part of the brain. Thus, flight and fight are the normal responses, not logical decision-making processes. Not very healthy or logical in its working, this part of the brain is analysis-free.

 

Instead: STOP (BREATHE) and THINK

Instead, stop and think about the reasons for the decision. They may – or may not – be correct. Analyze your decision. Think about the “what ifs”, if you did x or y. Ask yourself questions: Would I like succeeding at it? Would it actually be helpful for me, my family, for others?

So, stop, think, question – and make decisions from good reasoning and not fear.

 

(I am on vacation, so the blogs are sparse and yet, I do enjoy it… so I still write. What about you? Are you enjoying your summer? For more information check out www.jehle-coaching.com )