Posts Tagged ‘emotions’

Scared to change? Fear getting you down?

August 30th, 2018

Change and Fear

 

This week I met with a client to discuss a change in her team- adding an App into the routine. Change can be scary and yet, it is often needed.

When is it a good time to get over the fear of change, and when is it not a good idea?  Continue? Move on?

Let’s deal with fear first:

Fear can be good, as a motivator (ie:  the company will have to cut back if we don’t sell xamount of goods) but it can also stop change.  When fear is a healthy motivation to get things done asap, that’s great.  When fear stops you because you feel it threatens you (eg: “There will be violence”), it’s not good – and maybe not at all true.  You can look back to last week’s blog on assumptions, here: http://www.jehle-coachingexpat.com/2018/08/23/assumptions-true-maybe-true-or-false/

The point is, what is the fear doing to you?  If it’s holding you back, there is a problem; if it’s spurring you on, then great. Coaches and counselors can help you with your emotions.  But now let’s move on to the choice: to change or not to change.

Here are some suggestions to consider when you continue in the path you are going:

  • Your idea is great, your strategy is practically perfect, if you say so yourself (or you can perfect it), you are doing theright things with the right motives
  • You – and your team – have the right competencies(or are willing to learn them, fast)
  • You are focusing on the most important things, the ONE BIG thing really

(and remember that 80/20 principle, -spend time on the people and activities that “help” the most)

  • You have a decision-making process already in place
  • And – allYour systems (financial, logistical, discipleship, etc) are workable and they allow you to focus on your one BIG thing

A good model for making a change will help

WHEN TO GO and TRY SOMETHING ELSE, either in or outside of the present business/job

  • Change is generally a good thing: it helps you (and the business) to grow and become more creative – people learn new skills and strategies
  • There is opportunity for growth (financial and personal)
  • You can become a disrupter and challenge the status quo
  • You have been misunderstanding the business/personal signs to keep on with the same old (here’s a most awesome TEDtalk on this: http://www.ted.com/talks/kathryn_schulz_on_being_wrong#
  • Your pros now outweigh(even if they don’t outnumber) your cons to stay the same
  • The environment (culture, technology, economy, customer needs/demands) has changed and you must readjust
  • This one is BIG:

you can’t answer important questions, like, “Why are you doing this?  Why is x, y, or z happening?  How did you/we miss that?”

  • Your short cuts are cutting you and the business short and you are not doing “the job” right anymore
  • You have tried everything you can think of and it’s still not working the way it is now
  • KEY: The only things keeping you from changing or quitting is your prideand yourfear
  • You have continued financial and/or other major lossesand you do not see not much change for the future
  • And finally, your own priorities have changed and you have a different view of your business idea and your work

I hope this helps you with your change decision- to do or not to do.  Next timew, we will look at the change process, itself.

Have a very creative and innovative rest of your week,

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-coaching.com          www.jehle-coaching.com

Practice Swinging- between states, that is.

July 4th, 2018

So, you want to succeed at something difficult this week?

Learn to and practice your swinging

Find your “happy place” and from that place deal with your problem.  You need to swing.  Research says you should swing between the positive and the negative to succeed.

This baby is in a happy space

This activity is much more than positive thinking or even visualization.  It’s the change of state between positive and negative, it’s practicing it until you are very good at it.  It’s a swing.  You’ve got to learn how to swing back and forth.  Positive to negative and back again – and again.

So, take presentations, for example.

I’m teaching a four-hour course on presenting on Friday and one of our exercises will be just this: the swing.

Here’s how it goes:  you visualize yourself, giving a powerful presentation.  You sand like it, you move like it and you feel yourself breathing calmly, smiling.

And, whoops!  You’ve gotten lost in the middle of the presentation. What to do?  Come from that “happy place” and breathe, remember your one main point, find yourself, breathe, and start from there.  Nobody’s perfect, after all.  And the more you practice the less you will get caught losing your place. As a friend said yesterday, practice prevents slide presentation karaoke (just reading what’s on the slides), and all those “ahs” and “ums”.

Or take a music recital

My son had his first piano recital a few weeks ago.  Practice does help to make perfect, but that swing from anxiety to visualization of the perfect performance, to reality of making a mistake or two in the concert, to swinging back to the happy place and moving on is the key to successfully finishing the piece, especially if you have never played in front of anyone before.

Or maybe you’ve been the recipient of hard news and difficult facts lately.

I have.  I have friends and family who are very ill, maybe you do, too.  And then I went to a museum last week where the exhibit was stolen art, stolen from Jewish families in WWII.  The stories behind the art are very difficultVery tragic.  The recent stories of opportunism regarding children and adults held in the US in prisons run by private companies (earning money off of tragedy) makes me sick.  So, then I move back to my happy place, walking the dog, reading books (and believe me, I am reading a few), and visiting with friends. Work also helps and energies me, whether it’s teaching, coaching or something else.

Get on the swing and try

So, practice your swing and you will become resilient and more successful.  Interested in more, just give me a shout!

Have a great week getting on the swing and practicing your swing,

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com      patricia@jehle-coaching.com

What Story are You Telling

June 26th, 2018

The story I’m telling myself:

I saw something and felt it was wrong, so instead of accusing, I told my friend this: “The story I’m telling myself* is x.  Is that true?”  I got an answer and that helped clarify some things.  We need to watch how we “believe the truth”.

Truth Believe Act Feel

the way to do it: decide on the truth, believe it, act on it, and let feelings follow

I wish those four words turned into an acronym, but alas, no.

However, even without an acronym, they are a wise way of processing thoughts (which may or may not be truths) and actions.  When I take a truth, such as you are a unique human being of worth, and then decide to believe and act on that truth, my feelings of self-worth should increase.  That is a good process.

This process of checking our thoughts and feelings according to what is true may keep us from inaccurate thoughts and poor choices. More on this another time.

One Truth: We ALL Can Change and Grow

One of the truths about us humans besides our innate worth is our ability to change and learn.  Thus, I can say that I am able to change my habits and learn new healthier ones. This is a truth that I can believe about myself and about the person facing me.   What a liberating thought, and it is completely true!

Believe it!

When I believe that change is part of our human abilities, all sorts of possibilities open up for me, for you, for the person in front of me.  Wow, what would you like to change?  I don’t mean physical appearance and other superficial things.  I mean, would you like to be more organized?  You can be!  Would you like to be a “go-getter”?  Well then, you can be!  Would you like to… the possibilities are enormous.  But you must take that truth, I can change, to heart and really believe it.

Act on it!

Then, take that belief and put it to the test.  Act like it is true.  You have to start moving, trying and trying again.  There is work in change.  It’s not just a mindset, but a way of living.  Thus, to become organized, you have to start organizing and setting up some systems of organization.  It’s not “magic”, it’s thinking and acting in new ways.  It’s learning and changing.  It’s a process.  And you must start somewhere and then move to change.

The feelings will follow.

When I start working on the change I want, the probability of a failure must be accepted.  We all fail and then what happens after the failure is key.  We must look at that failure, and not punish ourselves, but really look at it, reflect on it, learn from it, and take it into consideration for “the next time”. When we feel that it is okay to make mistakes, to fall down and get back into the “ring of life”, we are going to make the change we want.  We who learn from our mistakes are the ones who succeed in the end.

I have to admit that it is easy to write this blog where I am today- in the summer at home. The sun is warm, the air full of fragrant blossoms, and the friend and I are back to “normal”, too.

So, what are you believing (about yourself, or about others) today?

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com     patricia@jehle-coaching.com

*thanks to the wonderful Brené Brown for this tool.  From her vulnerability book, I believe.

I see you – being seen

June 19th, 2018

We all have a need to be seen.  To be seen is to be valued for who we are.  Period.  This kind of positive acceptance is at the core of what we humans are about.  You can see this need shown through (and in) the social media, but also in many other ways.

We all need to be seen

This weekend I experienced being seen as a group:  our village had a party to commemorate a book.  In that book were photos of about 400 people from our small village.  That party was great, the book is even greater!

The party started with a “postenlauf”- a mix of treasure hunt and silly games all in one.  Of course, a neighbor won.  After all, we are all neighbors in my small village.  After the postenlauf awards ceremony, we were treated to an apéro with free snacks and drinks, and then there were speeches and then, finally, the time to go get our free book. Then we stood in line for the photographer to sign it.  While se stood we looked at our books and admired each others’ photos.  They were beautiful.

The book process began more than a year before.  As part of an art and culture project supported by the Swiss insurance company, Mobilar, photographer Ruth Erdt actually moved into our village, Freienwil, and began meeting people and taking their portraits.  She lived with us for about six months, taking part in the village activities, meeting people and taking their photographs.

We all had the opportunity to sign up for one or even more photo sessions.  Many couples and families signed up, but I can imagine that it took quite some courage for my widowed neighbors to sign up for their appointments. They did it, though.  So, in the end, we who participated were all seen in a very poignant way.

Frau Erdt probably asked the same things to each of us:  what’s important for you (hobbies, etc.); where do you enjoy hanging out in your home or in the village; which activities do you enjoy doing at home.  With these questions she built her inner picture of us, as individuals, as households and she really tried to portray them to the world. The product was a beautiful book.

Some people chose not to be in the book.  Schade*. Maybe they felt shy, or maybe they don’t identify with the village that much.  Or maybe they had a myriad of other reasons.  It’s sad they didn’t, though, because somehow the project became bigger than itself: a book of photos.  It has had a unifying effect on us.  We are we, and we are ourselves all at the same time.  The party last Saturday, the sharing of each others’ lives in pictures, the positive vibes when we all said, “Oh! What a great photo!” to our neighbors.  It was amazing!  Saturday’s book launch and party was a cultural and hisorical event, a time marked in our communal life history together.

Because we were valued. Because we were seen.  Because we were all together.

We all need this, coaching helps, art helps, parties can help, too.

What else can help?  How are you being seen?

Patricia Jehle

Jehle Coaching            www.jehle-coaching.com      patricia@jehle-coaching.com

*means sad or too bad

Ps, if you want to see our photos, write me.

Icelandic Tradition: BOOKS!

December 26th, 2017

It’s holiday time! What are you reading? What are you learning?

In Iceland everyone gives (and receives) books for Christmas. I have to admit I am quite jealous of this tradition. So, I took matters in hand and (mostly) gave books this year. Most people who know me at all know I love books and I love to read. Do you like reading?

Some books I am reading at the moment

I have a friend who regularly greets her friends with the question, “What are you reading?” This is one of my favorite questions because it assumes that the person is a learner and a reader. I think we should be both. So the second question that goes with the first is “What are you learning?”

That really leads to pre-questions: Why are you reading these books? What are your goals? What books and articles are you reading that lead you to your goals? Also, what courses, lectures, YouTube videos, webinars might you be “attending” to reach your goals?

My reading and goals

One of my biggest goals is always to work on being a better coach and consultant for my clients, so I am reading coaching and supervision books and am in the middle of a finishing a CAS (certificate of advanced studies in coaching). I am also reading “fun books” – a photo will be attached.

What I feel is key for me and my life/work:

It’s all about people and relationship, and of course that is my mantra, anyway. But I love it. We are all trying our best with “what we have”. Emotions are neutral and only show where the individual is “at” at the present moment. Thus anger and sadness are not “bad” per se, but just signs of what is going on inside of you and me- only our reactions to the environment.

The person (my client, or my student) is a whole being: mind, body, conscious and subconscious. I do not have any effect on one part without affecting another. A person is a “system” and all the rules for systems apply.

We are all constantly learning and changing and change is possible for everyone. We learn via modeling: watching and mimicking others to learn new ways of doing things and responding to our circumstances. Thus, we (I) should make sure I am being a positive model for others, my family and friends, my clients, my students…

And smiling (just like reading) is good for the soul: that is also something I remembered this past weekend.

So, what are your goals? What are doing to reach those goals? What are you reading and what are you learning?

Keep on smiling — and should you want to visit my site: www.jehle-coaching.com –Or join my group on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/7041402

Have a great holiday season!

Patricia Jehle            patricia@jehle-coaching.com

Reading is a joy for me.

Failure? Reflect!

October 31st, 2017

Resilience and Rumbles

Make good decisions by thinking and withholding judgement – do not go too fast!

What helps a person get up and keep going when something happens that is a set-back, big or small? What makes a person resilient? You’d be surprised. It’s not a “I’ve got it, I can do it. I’m okay.” I then stuff my feelings deep down and keep going.

 

It’s all those soft skills, or EQ:

 

  • It’s being honest and open about your feelings; it’s vulnerability;
  • It’s being curious where those thoughts and feelings come from and letting yourself go with them for the moment;
  • It’s being compassionate with yourself and with others when you fail;
  • It’s finding and acknowledging those false assumptions and putting a correct ones in it’s place;
  • And it’s learning from the mistake and putting new practices in place.

 

Brené Brown calls this the rumble.

Do you want to be a resilient person? Then this is what you need to start doing:

 

1) Be honest about your emotions

Be honest about what you are thinking and feeing, at least with yourself and those closest to you. Sometimes, we are not very adept at naming and understanding our feelings and then you can google a list, if you need to.

 

Emotions are neutral – one should not call certain emotions “negative emotions”. But they do show things about what is going on inside you. They give clues to what is happening inside and how you can change.

 

2) Get curious about the feelings and thoughts that occur when you have a “facedown experience”, a set-back

There is something that happened that might have triggered “old patterns” of response in you, that bring back the worn, over-played stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, about others and life, in general. We need to explore these responses to figure out what is really going on within ourselves.

 

To do that you

3) Have to give yourself – and others – some space to be human, some compassion

We are al human. We will make always mistakes and we will never be perfect. In fact, to really improve, we have to admit our mistakes. What an interesting puzzle. When you allow self-compassion and compassion for others to rule your way of dealing with life, you are able to see things more clearly. You are able to change and allow others space for change. We must remember that most people are really doing the best they can with what tools they have.

 

4) Watch false assumptions and stories you tell yourself. Don’t judge!

Often we tell ourselves false stories at this point, “I’m a failure!” or “S/He really doesn’t like me.” We assume way too much that is just not true. Some of the best coaching questions go in this direction, focusing on what we are assuming and whether or not it is true or partially true. We often judge ourselves, and others, much too quickly and often falsely, as well.

 

5) We must find and then put what is true into the place of the false assumptions and move on with those truths

When we live by what we know is true, we can become more resilient and, not only that, we can become more whole, as a human being. And that is a very good thing.

 

6) Finally, we have to think about our new learning points and put them into practice for “the next time”

When we learn things about ourselves (and others), we need to put those learning points into practice so they are not forgotten. Then those new insights can be applied for the next facedown experience. We know it is only a matter of time before another set-back, failure, another issue, will occur.

Time for reflection: What has happened to you recently that you should rumble (reflect) with? What were you feeling about it? What were your immediate actions/reactions and what were the stories (assumptions) you were telling yourself? What was really true? How can you live by the truth and not the false assumptions, and thus move on? What have you learned from the whole experience?

 

Enjoy your reflecting and rumbling this week!

 

Patricia Jehle

Blog: www.jehle-coaching-expat.com

Website: www.jehle-coaching.com

Email me: patriicia@jehle-coaching.com

We are works in progress

How Conflict at work and Identity can go together

September 11th, 2017

Belonging, Identity and Conflict

One of the most important concepts for success in life is having a secure identity that you accept and feel positive about. The other concept is that each of us need to feel that we belong somewhere. Without those two foundational building blocks in place we are going to crash and burn in our life journeys. One of the biggest threats to healthy self-identities and to the security of belonging is conflict.

Today I want to talk briefly about each concept ad then give some pointers at the end that may be of help for navigating the ups and downs of life.

Got conflict?

Identity: I am who I am and it is enough.

Identity is our biggest asset for success, when it is healthy. It is, according to researcher and author Brené Brown, the secure knowledge that I am enough, right now and that I don’t have to strive to be enough. I am worthy of love and admiration now, not if or when x, y or z happen or are accomplished. It goes with belonging, but is separate because identity is needed for a healthy life of belonging.

Belonging, but not trying to “fit in”

Belonging has nothing to do with striving to fit. It is the opposite: I belong because of who I am (which is enough). Fitting in means I must change to be accepted. When this comes to family and our social life we need to first feel we are enough and then take that scary step to authentically be ourselves, so others can accept our REAL selves. Then we have the belonging that we need to succeed in life.

 

What about belonging at work?

Belonging at work can be very hard to have because often people expect us to change to the work culture and to the expectations of the boss. Depending on the level of change (or fitting in), it may be not such a large compromise for our identities. But sometimes it goes too far and affects our identities. This is when we need to have integrity and say where our boundaries lie.

 

Of course, there is conflict at work

Sometimes when we set boundaries, we create conflicts. But a lot of conflicts are created by the work systems, by bosses, by changes that have only partially been carried out. The reasons are myriad. But conflict at work often wreaks havoc on our identities and causes us not to feel that we belong.

 

So, what can we do at work when there is conflict?

1) Know who you are and how you feel about the situation(s)- reflection is REQUIRED. Ask yourself:

  • What’s happening?
  • How am I affected (how am I feeling, how do I react?)?
  • Are there triggers that I react to and how can I avoid these?

2) Control your responses. Do not let your emotions rule you, but still know what your emotions are. This is part of emotional intelligence (great book by Daniel Goleman) Ask yourself:

  • Are my emotions getting in my way of seeing what is really happening?
  • What is controlling me right now, my emotional (read lizard part) or my logical part of my brain?
  • Am I reacting or am I being proactive and looking for solutions?

3) If all else fails, give yourself a time out. Don’t let the emotions control you, and if you think they are, take a break. Take a walk. Practice some breathing.

4) Avoid “us vs. them”, if you can. You should make alliances, make friends at work. Go for that belonging need that I wrote of above. When you feel like you can be your authentic (and worthy) self, you can reach out and make friendships at work. Then you will belong. This does two things:

  • Belonging helps you to be more successful and
  • Belonging creates a team atmosphere- there are no longer sides, but there is “us”.

 

Three of these points are taken from: https://hbr.org/2017/07/a-3-step-process-to-break-a-cycle-of-frustration-stress-and-fighting-at-work?utm_content=buffera5d68&utm_medium=social&utm_source=linkedin.com&utm_campaign=buffer

If there is anything I want you to take away from todays blog it’s this: you are enough and you are worthy of belonging: at work, at home and with your friends.

Have a very successful week of being enough and belonging- use those conflicts to learn and become more aware of the real you.

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com

patricia@jehle-coaching.com

A Time for EVERYTHING!

August 22nd, 2017

A time to laugh and a time to cry

A wise man once wrote something like this: “There is a time under heaven for everything: a time to laugh and a time to cry…” And, no it was not a Beatle who wrote it first. Last week I blogged about using your negative emotions about terrible circumstances to get going (http://wp.me/p5Y10a-3FJ ) and do something, and I must admit, after Barcelona and the other happenings of this past week, it would be good for some of us to continue in this direction.

 

But there is also a time for celebration and I have just had some good times of celebration, especially over the weekend.

 

A Wedding

First, I went to a very celebratory wedding. For me a highlight was when the pastor called the (sitting) bride back to the middle of the church and made her pirouette for the whole church to see. The people cheered and clapped in appreciation of the bride and the festivity.

 

Badenfahrt!

Then there is Badenfahrt. I can’t say “was” because it goes on till the evening of the 27th. But the family has been going to it off an on since it started last Friday night. It is expected that a million people will attend the gala celebration by the end of the week. I have also been able to volunteer for our village’s restaurant/bar, the Freienwil Bergbahn, for a couple of evenings. That was a blast, serving people and working with neighbors to make our guests satisfied. I expect I will be going a few more times before the festival is over, and I am looking forward to more fun!

Badenfahrt on the bridge

Celebrate creating

Last week I got to play and celebrate with kids, too. We celebrated their creations. I went and volunteered with a group who helps refugees, and this time we went to a center and made bread with about 14 refugee children. It was sweet to see the smaller ones knead and eat the dough, while the older ones were seriously focused on their creations of bread-art (turtles, people, snails, braids, etc.). A few kids kneaded their dough so long that the chocolate bits in the dough melted from the heat of their hands. At the end we all celebrated the children’s accomplishments, as the beautiful bread creations came out of the oven smelling wonderful, and looking great!

 

What are you celebrating?

It is good to celebrate with one another. Are you celebrating a new “win” for your business or for your career? Are you celebrating with others, as they celebrate, you can too! Are you going out to something like Badenfahrt, or attending a wedding? There is a time for these good things and sometimes, like vacation, we need celebrations. They are good for our souls.

 

This week I wish you one full of joy and thankfulness as you celebrate!

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com     blog: www.jehle-coachingexpat.com

contact me at: patricia@jehle-coaching.com

 

Also, if you are a SME owner or leader, I invite you to join my group, “SMEs Grow Together” on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/7041402

 

Your Character Counts!

April 10th, 2017

What really counts in life and work?

Being competent is not the only ingredient to success- your character counts. It counts a whole lot!

 

What makes up your character?

I have been thinking about integrity a lot this past week or so. It really defines your character – or not. It’s one of the important parts of Emotional Intelligence, according to Daniel Goleman. When looked at from an etymological point of view, the meaning if an integrated character is the opposite of having two faces or two warring parts of you. It means being integrated – “unified, unimpaired, or sound construction” (Oxford dictionary).

 

Are you integrated – what is your character like?

Do you say one thing to one person, and another thing to another person? Then you are not integrated, you do not have integrity. I am sure you have come across such characters. I have.

We are works in progress

Integrity

If you are a person of integrity you are like this, according to Dr. Henry Cloud from his book integrity,

 

  • You connect authentically (and thus build trust)
  • You are oriented towards speaking and wanting to know the truth (operates in reality)
  • You get results and finish well (reaches goals, follows the mission, gets profits)
  • You are able to deal with conflict and hard truths (solving problems, transforming problems, ending problems)
  • You are growth oriented (leads to increase)
  • You see and can explain the big picture (systems are not scary, and you are able to transcend)

 

Of course we have gaps in the above list, but as people who want a good character – and as bosses wanting team members with integrity – we can see the gaps positively: as opportunities for growth. Take your gaps, one at a time, and work on them. If you say you have no gaps, consider these points that point to gaps (also from Dr. Cloud):

 

  1. Hitting a performance ceiling that is much lower than your aptitude
  2. Hitting obstacles or situations that derail you
  3. Self-destructing when you reach (great) success

 

When you see the gaps it allows you to grow and change and have more integrity in the holistic sense. Then you can:

 

  • See reality as it really is, no rose colored glasses, no morose futures, just reality. We then know there are no easy ways to reach our goals and solutions. We know we must work on ourselves and we know we are “under construction”. This gives us patience with others, too.
  • Understand and work with our characters. When we know what is wrong we are over half way to the solution, even when it comes to working on ourselves.
  • Work towards full integration of our characters. Wow!

Emotional Intelligence is key

So, let’s get going! Are you ready to start? I am! You will have to take a good look at yourself and ask some tough questions, though. But even when it takes a lifetime, an integrated character is a goal worthy of working on.

 

Have a great week!

 

Patricia Jehle

patricia.jehle@jehle-coaching.com                        www.jehle-coaching.com

 

AWFULIZING’s antidote is GRATEFULNESS

January 23rd, 2017

A long time ago during a January Term at Macalester College when we were studying War Theory (it was a great class, but hard to only focus on War for a whole month) a friend of mine, Tim, told me a very long joke about the fact there was nothing to worry about and that only two things can happen. It was a funny, but very true joke and it helped us to refocus on the good after a depressing month.

 

Focusing on the Good was the exact opposite of what I learned about last week at a talk by Matthias Horx on the Creative Age: he reminded us that we must not fall into the trap of Awfulism. I had not heard the word before, but the concept is familiar to me from my coaching training:

 

Awfulizing is a term coined by psychologist Albert Ellis. It refers to an irrational and dramatic thought pattern, characterized by the tendency to overestimate the potential seriousness or negative consequences of events, situations, or perceived threats.

 

Where I have been trained it this kind of thinking called a cognitive error:

 

“Awfulizing – Looking at things in a negative way. Some types of this error are:

 

  • Thinking that you can’t tolerate an unpleasant emotion or that you will go crazy or die if you experience one;
  • Thinking that a problem is more severe than it is; exaggerating how bad something is;
  • Thinking that only bad things will certainly happen;

 

Overlooking or ignoring the positive, the advantages, benefits, or good points when you evaluate something (i.e. considering only the negatives, disadvantages, costs , detriments, or bad points.” http://www.rdaplawconsultants.com/rdap-articles/rdap-course-materials/rational-thinking-errors/

 

WE MUST Avoid Awfulizing

 

To avoid this cognitive error you can do many things to help

 

– one of the best is to scale a situation:

 

On a scale of one to ten where one is not much at all and ten is it is going to kill you someone else, how bad is this situation or issue?

 

OR you could call my friend Tim and ask to hear the joke: “There is nothing to worry about; only two thing s can happen…”

 

You could also start a board on Pintrest to alleviate your awfulizing thoughts. Mine is called Fun and Funny.

 

POSITIVE ACTION

Another way to deal with this thinking is to change the way you look at life by writing down the positives.

 

Another talk I heard from my friend Renate was on how we should take a jar and write our reasons to be thankful down on pieces of paper and put them in that jar.

Whenever you focus on the good in your life, you raise the level of your gratitude and that, in turn, does you good. You can Google it for yourself, but I have chosen an article from Newsweek to summarize this concept:

 

  • Gratitude increases your hope

 

  • You are healthier

 

  • You sleep better

 

  • You have better self-esteem

 

  • You help others more

 

  • You have more empathy

 

  • You are more resilient (to the bad)

 

http://europe.newsweek.com/5-scientifically-proven-benefits-gratitude-398582?rm=eu

 

TO DO: So, in summary, why don’t you get out some paper, a pen and a jar and at least once a week write down five things for which you are grateful? Or better yet at least one, and up to three things a day… You may have to find yourself a gallon-sized pickle jar soon!

 

Finally, once a month, take an hour and go through the jar. If you are a journaler (and maybe even if you aren’t), write down what you have seen or learned from your time of re-reading your gratefulness papers.

 

If you want, you can tell me how it goes.

 

Have a great week,

 

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-coaching.com