Posts Tagged ‘questioning’

This? That? Something NEW? Decisions!

September 17th, 2018

Decisions start with options

Making a decision?

Most people make hundreds a day, but important ones come less frequesntly.  I want to remind you of one thing before moving on into some nitty-gritty advice about decision-making.  It is always easier to make a decision when you limit your choices, so start there.  The sky may be the limits, but your brain deals better with between two and six options.  The fewer, the better.

Making a BIG Decision, some ideas:

YOU

Take time to think about yourself: what makes you tick, what makes you passionate and what leaves you cold. Would this decision somehow go against the fabric of who you are?  Would it enhance the person you are?  Also, you are given permission to say what you needand what you want.  I write this, because some people have been conditioned to overlook this, and it is always important to take your own needs and wants into consideration.

The environment: my mentors, my co-workers, friends, family, etc…

What would the different people in my life tell me?  Ask them, especially if it is an important decision.  Remember you were not put on this earth alone; use the gifts you have been given in your various relationships to help you decide.

What’s the present environment?  What are the options right now? Later?

What door is open today, at this very moment?  What might be open in three, six, nine and twelve months?  How long am I able or willing to wait to make the decision? Does waiting make a (big) difference?

 

Consider the consequences of your ideas

Evaluate the consequences

  • Do a cost benefit analysis of the options, or simply list the positive and negative results
  • Scale the options
  • Look at the consequences, not just for myself, but for my family, and for my life, long-term
  • What would the consequences be in a year, in three years, in five years, in ten…?
  • Do I have enough time, money, energy, strength with what I have now? What will I have to give up?  What is too much to give up?
  • If I look back on my life at 80 years old, what will I think of the decision, either way?

 

When I decide this or that, what happens in my inner-self?

When I decide Awhat does my gut feel?  How about when I decide Bor C?  Where is my inner peace?  Or if there is equal weight for either choice, try flipping a coin and then do what your gut feeling says (not on whether it’s heads or tails).  In other words, use the coin to find out what you really want, and then do it.  If that doesn’t work, try waiting three days.  Don’t think about it; just be – and then try deciding.  Remember to “watch” your dreams; they may be telling you something, too.

 

This?

First, consider one option… with all those parameters discussed above: you, your environment, the present or waiting… how does it feel?  Where is the energy?  What kind of energy is that?  What might be the consequences?  Can I live with them?

That?

Then, consider another option… with all those parameters discussed above: you, your environment, the present or waiting… how does it feel?  Where is the energy?  What kind of energy is that?  What might be the consequences?  Can I live with them?

Both?

Third, consider both options (together)… with all those parameters discussed above: you, your environment, the present or waiting… how does it feel?  Where is the energy?  What kind of energy is that?  What might be the consequences?  Can I live with them?

Neither?

Fourth, consider not doing anything (neither option) … with all those parameters discussed above: you, your environment, the present or waiting… how does it feel?  Where is the energy?  What kind of energy is that?  What might be the consequences?  Can I live with them?

Something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT?

Finally, consider something completely different… with all those parameters discussed above: you, your environment, the present or waiting… how does it feel?  Where is the energy?  What kind of energy is that?  What might be the consequences?  Can I live with them?

 

Sometimes an example helps:

So you have two job offers– first job A, then job B, then doing both job A and B (people do this, I have more than one job), then neither job (unemployment? at-home parent?).  Finally, consider something different: Going Back to School, Early retirement, etc…

I hope this helps you!  If not, give me a shout!

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com    patricia@jehle-coaching.com

 

 

What’s your Start-up WHY?

September 10th, 2018

You “why” is key to success

When you start a company, you need to know the answer to your WHY

The following is an excerpt from my preface of a book (in progress) about starting a company in Switzerland:

Starting a company in Switzerland:  8 suggestions and a Question

Congratulations for looking into becoming an entrepreneur in Switzerland!  Switzerland is one of the best countries for the start-up scene, and depending on your business idea and your experience, this might just be the place for you to begin your dream of having your won company.  I have some suggestions that are general about beginning a start-up below.

SUGGESTIONS:

  1. Begin only if you are passionate about your idea

You have to be more passionate about your idea than about earning money with it, otherwise you will not last the first few years of little or no growth.  A client of mine is waiting for his website to go on-line so he can start and it’s already been several months of waiting for him since he had his first idea. But he is passionate about his idea(s) and he will go the distance if he continues in the way he ha begun.

  1. Check your idea for viability, for feasibility, for financial growth and tweak accordingly

Market research, is what I am talking about.  Is there a market for this idea/product?  Will it generate enough income at a price that is reasonable for the target niche? Is the niche big enough to support your product idea in the long term, or is this a fad, which you will have to tweak or even give up in a year or two.  Remember it may take up to two years to generate “real” money.  Also, is your target just Switzerland, or is that just a launching pad for going international?

Finally, do you plan to do this full-time?  If so, how will you live until you start earning money.  In other words, what is your budget and financial plan?

  1. Let others help you, and take their advice very seriously; but leave naysayers out of the picture, at least until you have earned your first million-

You will have lots of people trying to tell you what to do and eventually some will give you wise advice. Ask for advice, but from those who are doing something like this- either on a small, or on a big scale.  Ask for mentors from people who, as Brené Brown says, are “in that arena” too.

Also, if you have little experience in the business world, there are very reasonable courses offered by the government, if you speak the language (mostly in German.

  1. Get a business (start-up) coach

In most cases, you will need an independent, non-involved party that will ask you good questions (and that is what coaches do, ask questions so you can reflect on your choices and decisions). Trust me on this.  You will need someone like this.  It doesn’t have to be me, and my time is limited, but a good start-up coach is worth your money.

  1. Build in time for recreation every day and every week and every quarter, because burnout is easy to catch-

Burnout may even be the reason for you starting your own enterprise.  The temptation is to focus so much on your idea that you don’t think about yourself, your key relationships and then you start to suffer. Build in time for self-care, for a healthy physical and relational life and your start-up will last past the beginning stages.  Switzerland is THE place for outdoor recreation activities of all kinds.  It is lovely for hiking, for biking, for snowshoeing, for Nordic and Alpine skiing, for swimming, and the list goes on and on.  Take advantage of these opportunities.  It will be god for you, body and soul.

  1. Don’t give up; in fact, have a plan for if you feel like giving up-

Ask yourself, when things get tough, what am I going to do.  Ask, when I am running out of money to grow, what will I do.  Ask when I am tired and don’t feel like I can go on, what am I going to do.  Get yourself a few cheerleaders to keep you going.  I can remember some key turning points in my life where I wanted to quit, but a few cheerleaders kept me going and I will be forever thankful to them for that.

Remember to remember.

And then, always remember those first days and your passion.  Remember the joy of starting and of that first sale.  Remember the advice you have received from good mentors.  Then take a (very short) break, tweak, and carry one! Don’t give up!

  1. When it is time, on-board a team, first an outsourced one, and when ready, a salaried team

It could be that your idea is a solo-preneur idea and then this does not apply to you, but still you are going to need people to call on for support and help, people you can also recommend to others when they need help:  a web-person, an accountant (or at least software), possibly a lawyer, and people who do things that help your business in many ways and are not in direct competition with you.  For example, a client who is an interior designer, may want someone specializing in furniture building or interior sewing to be on the team.

Eventually, if your company is meant to have employees, you will need to pick them well.  Depending on if you have a partner (in Switzerland, it seems like the magic number is four partners) or not depends on the company structure.  For example, it could be a pair, one partner is the CEO and the other the CFO.  I have seen this particular situation relatively often.  If you are alone, one of the first people to on-board should be a CFO-type person if you are not money-oriented.  Money is not everything, but for any business it is very important to watch all the numbers. Then there are the marketing and sales types who need to be added, the technology types (both for running and for growth-development, depending on the kind of idea you have), logistics/operations, and the business strategists.  In the beginning, your people may wear quite a few hats, but as your company grows, each person will, hopefully have fewer and be able to focus on their strengths.

Also, allow your team to help you grow your company

Leadership is key and so is delegation and respect.  You need to create a culture of positive growth and listening to main team’s ideas and suggestions.  Remember, if you want to grow you will need help.  Let your team do that for you!  Also, be their cheerleader – they will need one, too.

  1. Dream big. Think about the future of your company and your life-

Once you are on your way, you should continue to dream.  What are your three, five, ten-year plans?  What is next?  And after that?  This might be where a coach comes in, again, to help you broaden your horizons. Finally, here are a few more questions for you to chew on:

Is your idea reproducible? Franchise-able? What does the long term look like?  How are you going to scale?  When might it become too large?  How will you know when you want to change?

And:  Do you plan to sell your company?  If so, when?

Now, the BIG QUESTION:

Should you start a business, and should you start in Switzerland?

THE WHYS

So you are thinking of starting a business in Switzerland, and since you are reading this, I am assuming you are an expatriate or immigrant.  The Swiss have their own ways of getting information in German (mostly) and the other languages.  I will be focusing on the “foreigner” start-up, so much of the content of this book goes in that direction.  However, there are some parts that can apply to all start-ups, even those outside of Switzerland.

And it starts here:  the question why is very key.  Why do you want to start your own company and why do you want to start it in Switzerland? Perhaps you know this is a very start-up friendly country.  Perhaps you know that the standard of living is one of the best in the world.  Perhaps you like the climate and the Swiss Alps. Perhaps you have a partner or spouse working here.  The reasons could be very numerous and very personal.  But Switzerland is a very good place to start a business.

FYI

In August 2016, a total of 2,781 new companies were entered in the commercial register. This represents a growth of 6.8% compared to August the year before.

Enjoy your week!

Patricia Jehle www.jehle-coaching.com

patricia@jehle-coaching.com

Scared to change? Fear getting you down?

August 30th, 2018

Change and Fear

 

This week I met with a client to discuss a change in her team- adding an App into the routine. Change can be scary and yet, it is often needed.

When is it a good time to get over the fear of change, and when is it not a good idea?  Continue? Move on?

Let’s deal with fear first:

Fear can be good, as a motivator (ie:  the company will have to cut back if we don’t sell xamount of goods) but it can also stop change.  When fear is a healthy motivation to get things done asap, that’s great.  When fear stops you because you feel it threatens you (eg: “There will be violence”), it’s not good – and maybe not at all true.  You can look back to last week’s blog on assumptions, here: http://www.jehle-coachingexpat.com/2018/08/23/assumptions-true-maybe-true-or-false/

The point is, what is the fear doing to you?  If it’s holding you back, there is a problem; if it’s spurring you on, then great. Coaches and counselors can help you with your emotions.  But now let’s move on to the choice: to change or not to change.

Here are some suggestions to consider when you continue in the path you are going:

  • Your idea is great, your strategy is practically perfect, if you say so yourself (or you can perfect it), you are doing theright things with the right motives
  • You – and your team – have the right competencies(or are willing to learn them, fast)
  • You are focusing on the most important things, the ONE BIG thing really

(and remember that 80/20 principle, -spend time on the people and activities that “help” the most)

  • You have a decision-making process already in place
  • And – allYour systems (financial, logistical, discipleship, etc) are workable and they allow you to focus on your one BIG thing

A good model for making a change will help

WHEN TO GO and TRY SOMETHING ELSE, either in or outside of the present business/job

  • Change is generally a good thing: it helps you (and the business) to grow and become more creative – people learn new skills and strategies
  • There is opportunity for growth (financial and personal)
  • You can become a disrupter and challenge the status quo
  • You have been misunderstanding the business/personal signs to keep on with the same old (here’s a most awesome TEDtalk on this: http://www.ted.com/talks/kathryn_schulz_on_being_wrong#
  • Your pros now outweigh(even if they don’t outnumber) your cons to stay the same
  • The environment (culture, technology, economy, customer needs/demands) has changed and you must readjust
  • This one is BIG:

you can’t answer important questions, like, “Why are you doing this?  Why is x, y, or z happening?  How did you/we miss that?”

  • Your short cuts are cutting you and the business short and you are not doing “the job” right anymore
  • You have tried everything you can think of and it’s still not working the way it is now
  • KEY: The only things keeping you from changing or quitting is your prideand yourfear
  • You have continued financial and/or other major lossesand you do not see not much change for the future
  • And finally, your own priorities have changed and you have a different view of your business idea and your work

I hope this helps you with your change decision- to do or not to do.  Next timew, we will look at the change process, itself.

Have a very creative and innovative rest of your week,

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-coaching.com          www.jehle-coaching.com

Assumptions, true, maybe true, or false?

August 23rd, 2018

We have assumptions about reality

What are you assuming and is it true???

Late in June I wrote a blog on how we believe things that are not true… http://www.jehle-coachingexpat.com/2018/06/26/what-story-are-you-telling/#comment-17912those beliefs are assumptions.

Assumptions that are not true hold us backand often crippleus.  So, what assumptions might these be and how do we change them?  Some of the assumptions may be true (possible), some are probably false (either about yourself or about life, in general).

Here are some assumptions- do you believe any?

Possibly true                                       False (about self)                   False (about life)

Someone else is better at x               I’m stupid                                I must not fail

It will be difficult                                 I can’t handle it                       It’s not possible

I may cry                                              I can’t lead (or x)                     People in power x

 

Let’s look at these assumptions one at a time and see how they are true – or not.

First, someone is better at x.

That’s most likely true, as there is almost always someone better (or worse) than we are at doing something.  So, then the question would be, “So, What?  What’s important about this and how does it affect the issue at hand?” Is this truth worth you stopping?  Most likely, not.  Instead find the reason you are doing x and evaluate its outcome; then find a way through it and keep going.  This little thought process of questioning can work for the other two possibly true assumptions, too.

But how can you tellif it’s true (that’s often obvious, with physical proof, like this: at the moment there is a drought in most of Switzerland.  And how mightit be a possibly true fact?  Then the answer could be yes or no and often has “negative” connotations for you—something that may stop you from making a correct decision.

What about the false-self-truths?

“I am stupid”

How do I know for sure is not true?  Well, the easy answer is, I can’t know for sure.  But I personally choose to believe that we allare 1) good, well-made humans 2) capable of growth and learning and 3) are trying our best.  I choose to think and believe positively about my fellow human beings.  And, usually my assumptions about you are true. Thus, you are not stupid, with help and learning you can handle it and maybe you can learn to lead (it’s a skill, not a character trait).  Coaching helps a lot with these kinds of false assumptions.

What about false-life-assumptions?

According to Nancy Kline in her book, “Time to Think”, she calls these bedrock assumptions- the assumptions you choose to base your life on.  And they may be very false.  Let’s looks at these:

I must not fail-  this is false!  The truth: we learn best from failing.

It’s not possible– this can be a bedrock assumption if you say this a lot (or all) of the time.  If you do, be careful!  If you say it once in a blue moon, then it may be true.  But, as most problems have solutions, these assumptions are most likely false.  You just have to find a way.

People in power think best– false!  Who says so? How can it be proven?  Is this a way of your (or my) giving up responsibility for the issue?  Are there exceptions to this (of course there are!!!)

So, here are some questions for you to consider:

-What are you assuming that is stopping you from doing what you want?  If that assumption is possibly true, then ask:

-If you knew the oppositewould happen, what would that look like? (This is your answer, so it may not be these, but I’ll give it a try: someone else better at x-  so the opposite is: I am an expert at x; it will be difficult- the opposite is: it will be a piece of cake, done in a jiffy; I may cry- the opposite is: I may smile).  Say it aloud, that opposite.

-So then, if you knew you were an expert at x(it’s easily done, you might smile), how would you feel when they asked you to do x?

And what more would you do?

Here are the steps, again:

  • Figure out what kind of assumption it is
  • Look for false assumptions, especially ones that affect your belief system
  • Find the opposite (this is your true answer, and it can be varied, depending on you alone) to the false assumption
  • Ask the what ifquestion: If you knew + your opposite + situation- eg:
    • “you are extremely capable at leading”, how would you feel about leading the project?
  • Ask the question twice or three times to let the answers sink in and to look for further answers

Here are some good questions to ask at the “if you knew” step:

  • If you knew that you colleague respects you, what would you do?
  • If you knew that people from your background think brilliantly, what would you do?
  • If you knew that you can come up with ideas better than the boss, what would you do?
  • If you knew that s/he isn’t judging you, what would you do?
  • And: What would you say, next?  What else would you do?

So, before you get all upset about a situation, thinkabout you assumptions- if they are true, or not.  Then after that, take a positive truthand move from there:  truth-belief-act-feel.  But for now, just work on your assumptions.

Have a great time thinking well.

 

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-coaching.com

www.jehle-coaching.com

From Perfectionism to Success

July 18th, 2018

Beauty is mostly imperfection

A few weeks ago, I went to a meeting where some local women professionals discussed perfectionism and how it affects our lives at work and at home.  Some of us were affected at work, others at home, some both.  Some of us also had perfectionist partners and we talked about how that hurt our relationships and our family life.

It was a great evening of sharing, mostly because we didn’t stop at the negative, but looked for solutions.

Here were some of the solutions we came up with:

  • Set priorities and stick to them, when I’m going “off track”, remind myself of them
  • Ask myself, “What is good enough?”
  • Ask myself, “Who am I trying to please”- because I can only please myself, in reality
  • Remember I am the master of my heart
  • Give myself a pat on the back when I succeed
  • Watch my (negative) self-talk
  • Write it down, be concrete about what I am thinking and feeling
  • Give myself space
    • To be creative
    • To meditate and be mindful
    • To take care of myself to walk my dog

Perfectionism is crippling and no way to live your life or to work, and it’s rampant  

There are many consequences of perfectionism, and it’s almost all negative.  What perfectionism does that’s crippling:

  • You are never good enough, there’s a driveto always be better
  • Others are also never good enough, so relationships are hurt
  • You become anxiousor worrya lot, even having depressionand other psychological problems
  • You overthinkeverything
  • You become indecisive and inactive (you are paralyzed)
  • You avoid new challenges and opportunities for growth
  • You set unrealistic expectationson yourself and all the things you must do well
  • You miss out on the good things in life for all the focus on the bad
  • Your performance is negatively impacted

But we can (and do) change, so this can be fixed.  We can become people who are happier and healthier- and more productive.  What to do that can help change all that:*

  • Embrace yourselfas good enough, as good, as a unique human, worthy of a good life
  • Acknowledge that your perfectionism is hurting you (notice how)
  • Practice self-care and love on yourself as good, and doing it “good enoug, ” too
  • Write down a list of “What bad things will happen when I stop being a perfectionist”
  • Acknowledge that you can change
  • Acknowledge that you want to change
  • Expect that you will make mistakes (we are all human, and learning is made from mistakes)
  • Find ways to base your self-esteem on the internal (who I really am), not the external (performance)
  • Find your first smallest next step (and take it)
  • Set realistic goals
  • Watch out for the work shouldand change it to mayor want to
  • Celebrate and learn from success
  • Forgive yourself and learn from your failures
  • Forgive others their mistakes, too (and help them learn from them)
  • Learn to know the boundaries of your “circle of control” – you can’t control everything!
  • Set up criteria for decisions and stick to them (eg- 5 criteria, and a 4 is ok fr you to do)
  • Get realistic feedback from a trusted person or set of people
  • Watch for perfectionist messages coming towards you from other people, and reject them (let go of old past ones, but could be for therapy)
  • Intentionally make small mistakes (ones that don’t really matter) – to practice how it feels to be imperfect
  • Stop over-thinking with strategies:
    • Seethe overthinking
    • List what you overthink about
    • Note your biased memory – biased towards negative
    • Work on reducing self-criticism, and on adding more self-praise
    • When you are anxious, note if you are self-critical and change it
    • Distract yourself with self-care and other positive activities

*Most of these things are best done with a coach or therapist, as it’s very easy to return to our set ways.  It will take timeand we need to forgive ourselves before we start for the three steps forward, two steps back kind of growth and change it will be.  There will be failure, and incremental progress.  Also, there are some really great books about this, but again, I recommend doing this with someone else walking with you.  It works best.

Get out of Your Own Way and make sure your expectations are realistic

Have a very good enough summer!

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-coaching.com            www.jehle-coaching.com

 

What Story are You Telling

June 26th, 2018

The story I’m telling myself:

I saw something and felt it was wrong, so instead of accusing, I told my friend this: “The story I’m telling myself* is x.  Is that true?”  I got an answer and that helped clarify some things.  We need to watch how we “believe the truth”.

Truth Believe Act Feel

the way to do it: decide on the truth, believe it, act on it, and let feelings follow

I wish those four words turned into an acronym, but alas, no.

However, even without an acronym, they are a wise way of processing thoughts (which may or may not be truths) and actions.  When I take a truth, such as you are a unique human being of worth, and then decide to believe and act on that truth, my feelings of self-worth should increase.  That is a good process.

This process of checking our thoughts and feelings according to what is true may keep us from inaccurate thoughts and poor choices. More on this another time.

One Truth: We ALL Can Change and Grow

One of the truths about us humans besides our innate worth is our ability to change and learn.  Thus, I can say that I am able to change my habits and learn new healthier ones. This is a truth that I can believe about myself and about the person facing me.   What a liberating thought, and it is completely true!

Believe it!

When I believe that change is part of our human abilities, all sorts of possibilities open up for me, for you, for the person in front of me.  Wow, what would you like to change?  I don’t mean physical appearance and other superficial things.  I mean, would you like to be more organized?  You can be!  Would you like to be a “go-getter”?  Well then, you can be!  Would you like to… the possibilities are enormous.  But you must take that truth, I can change, to heart and really believe it.

Act on it!

Then, take that belief and put it to the test.  Act like it is true.  You have to start moving, trying and trying again.  There is work in change.  It’s not just a mindset, but a way of living.  Thus, to become organized, you have to start organizing and setting up some systems of organization.  It’s not “magic”, it’s thinking and acting in new ways.  It’s learning and changing.  It’s a process.  And you must start somewhere and then move to change.

The feelings will follow.

When I start working on the change I want, the probability of a failure must be accepted.  We all fail and then what happens after the failure is key.  We must look at that failure, and not punish ourselves, but really look at it, reflect on it, learn from it, and take it into consideration for “the next time”. When we feel that it is okay to make mistakes, to fall down and get back into the “ring of life”, we are going to make the change we want.  We who learn from our mistakes are the ones who succeed in the end.

I have to admit that it is easy to write this blog where I am today- in the summer at home. The sun is warm, the air full of fragrant blossoms, and the friend and I are back to “normal”, too.

So, what are you believing (about yourself, or about others) today?

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com     patricia@jehle-coaching.com

*thanks to the wonderful Brené Brown for this tool.  From her vulnerability book, I believe.

What’s your focus?

May 22nd, 2018

An infectious laugh does miracles (pintrest photo)

Joy, Hope and Beauty

My life is quite full and busy with positiveactivities — full of joy hope and beauty.  Focusing on the good can help you through tough times.  What’s your focus?  Here’s what I’ve been contemplating:

A toddler’s belly laugh

Sunday I was eating with a friend of mine at a restaurant and the toddler at the next table was being teased and joked with by her grandpa.  The infectious belly laugh of a delighted toddler should be canned and sent to every world leader.  Maybe we might move towards world peace, at least there would be a lot of happy hearts. Just thinking of this little girl and her laugh makes me smile.

Meetings meetings meetings, but good (some coaching) ones!

May and June are meeting (and coaching meeting) months for me.  I enjoy the change from (mostly) teaching to mostly coaching.  Meetings can be good.

Holidays, short and long

Switzerland celebrates the moveable feasts.  Over Ascension we went camping along Lake Constance and into Germany in a VW bus. What fun!  I was also able to take a week and “go home” to visit family and friends, too.

Blooming Garden!

Going into the garden and enjoying all the colors and blossoms can really change my day. Everything smells so good, too!

Books!

I have been reading, as usual.  I have enjoyed quite a number of books late, but my reading list is as long as ever. Besides still working through Henry Cloud’s Integrity, and Boundaries for Leaders I am reading Tribe of Mentorsby Timothy Ferr– and some novels to keep me entertained…  What are you reading?

Art and Museums

One of my new friends and I have a tradition of attending art museums together. I enjoy the exhibits, and my friend is adept in modern art and can help me enjoy and understand it better.  We will be attending a Picasso exhibit this week, and I am so looking forward to it, and to the piggy-back visit to the Hermann Hesse Museum the same day.

Coffee and meals with family and friends

Finally, I’ve been taking time to spend with family and friends.  It is great to connect with people and to have important discussions with them.  I recently remarked that my view of success has changed to how I am doing with my important relationships.  This has become more and more important to me in the past few years.

What makes your life full and joyful?  What have you been up to?  What are you focusing on?  I wish you a positive week full of joy, hope and beauty!

Patricia Jehle

patricia@jehle-coaching.com

www.jehle-coaching.com

Take off your shoes and pay attention

May 16th, 2018

Time to get away – and reflect

Reflecting

Doing Something for Myself—Enjoying a short break and remembering to take off my shoes at the end of the day and think

Sometimes we have to do something for ourselves, like going to the spa, eating chocolate ice cream, or sitting in the sun.

Self-care is rather individual, unique to each person.  Last weekend I went camping in a VW bus because of the looong Ascension weekend in Switzerland; it was a “we weekend” with my husband and some good “old” friends. I was really tired Sunday night when we returned, but the time, money and energy spent were well- spent on relationships and on fun!

I have my unique set of work and fun passions:  business start-ups and leadership, writing, teaching, meeting with people (“old” friends and gaining new ones) and learning new ideas and concepts.  What are yours?

Now I am taking another short break before a heavy season of correction and meetings, but not in Europe.

What is in it for me:

Friends and family- relationships are key, and we need to care for them. Also, a little “me” time  and downtime is involved, of course.

Taking of my shoes and reflecting on each day:

“Earth’s crammed with heaven,

And every common bush afire with God,

But only he who sees takes off his shoes;

The rest sit round and pluck blackberries.”

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

from Aurora Leigh

Take time to reflect

Each day I try to allow myself the luxury of going “home” and relaxing, taking off my shoes and putting my feet up and reflecting on the day, on the things I’ve heard and seen, and the people I have met, and how all this might all change me and give me new perspectives.  Seeing, as in the poem, brings new perspectives.  I – we all – need to take that time to see.  In the movie I saw on the airplane yesterday (“Lady Bird”), it was said that love and paying attention are basically synonymous.  I can agreed.  Let’s love more.  Let’s pay attention more.  Let’s reflect.

It’s not that I will ever have finished reflecting on my life; in fact, I have much more thinking to do – every day.  But short times in the evenings are a way to begin that process which must continue into the future.

So, what about you?  What are you doing for yourself, to grow, to be encouraged, and when are you going to take off your shoes and reflect on your daily experiences?

Have a great week!

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com

patricia@jehle-coaching.com

 

 

 

 

DON’T do it!

May 9th, 2018

Feeling uneasy about something? Just DON’T do it!  Don’t be like Nike, for once.

Are you trying to make a decision about something and just can’t get past some of the “ish” factors? Or are you talking yourself into something that maybe you (or your trusted network) might not feel so right about- maybe you are wanting to just get that first deal?

Wait.  Look for red flagsand ask these questions:

Don’t do it! Why?

  • Do you feel it’s right, do you feel totallygood about it? It’s moral and good activity/partnership?
  • Do you feel comfortable agreeing to the terms and conditions, allof them?
  • Do you see all the outcomes and want all of them to come pass?
  • Does your body, mind and spirit agree to the total package?
  • Are there any (important) values being violated in this?
  • Are your going to resent the decision, the people you might be with- do you already resent it?
  • Are you worried about the possible consequences?
  • Is this a “repeat performance” of a similar (bad) experience that you had? How or why?

If you can answer these questions in a positive and wholehearted way, go ahead.  But otherwise, it’s probably best to turn the opportunity down.

Dr. Henry Cloud, Leadership Coach and renowned author and speaker says the above in his book, “Integrity”.  He also writes, “people deny the negative just because they want what there is so much and they cannot delay gratificationuntil the right deal or situation comes along.” (my italics)

Here are some things we can do too fast and then must deal with the bad consequences:

  • Hiring too fast
  • Getting engaged too fast
  • Starting a partnership too fast (any kind of partnership)
  • Buy a house too fast
  • Buy a business or a business property too fast
  • Make a business deal too fast

Remember, listen to your “inner voice” and do not push it away.  Do not make excuses for the downsides.  Pay attention to the negatives.

We don’t want to choose too fast and then have to use a fire escape.

Face those negatives, even if it’s hard because, really, there is no shortcut to success.  Beware of fast tips and “tricks”.  They usually have poor “payment” plans.  If it’s really worth it, like our parents said, whatever it is, it’s worth the wait.  Wait for the “right one”.  Otherwise, we may spend a lot of wasted time and energy repairing the poor (fast) decision.

So, do it, when it is right. Or, maybe better when you have a little “gut-feeling”,  just don’t do it.

Have a great (rest of the) week, in Switzerland tonight is the beginning of a looong Ascension weekend – enjoy!

Patricia Jehle

www.jehle-coaching.com      patricia@jehle-coaching.com

Resolve your conflicts

April 23rd, 2018

GOT CONFLICT? ASK QUESTIONS!

Got conflict?

Are you trying to figure out how to work with that other (maybe difficult) person in the room?

Knowing your team, knowing your client, knowing yourself is key for your job.

Knowing how you and the other person ticks can really help reduce conflict, as well.

Here are some ideas using the Harvard Negotiation Model to help you resolve the conflict:

  • Relationships First
  • Focus on the WHY
  • Generate(win-win) options

Relationships are key

With that, I mean you need to be able to feel some level of trust with the person.  Also, the conflict issue needs to be separated from the person/personality.

You need to know your – and their WHY

To find a positive solution you must focus on why you want something and why the other person wants something.  By doing this, you take away the feeling that the “pie is only so big” and can find creative ways to solve the problem.  What you are doing is focusing on what both of you need in this instance.

Options galore

When you generate as many options as possible, you will find an amazing solution, especially when all those options are beneficial to both parties.

When you focus on the relationships and trying to reach everyone’s needs, you may find the conflict disappearing.

Try Nonviolent communication, too:

“I see, I observe that…”

“When I see/observe this phenomenon, I feel…”

“I need this to happen because of the situation…”

“Would you please…”

This may help you to communicate the issue better.  But no matter what, start some good communication!

Patricia Jehle             www.jehle-coaching.com     patricia@jehle-coaching.com